Same but without the mustard and with a side of... I’m almost too ashamed to say it... cheesecake.

You can also just spread mayo directly on the turkey. You just have to do it when no one is looking.

I LOVE THE FRIED ONIONS YOU SHALL NOT SPEAK ILL OF THEM EVER.

Thanksgiving stuff is not supposed to crunch. It's supposed to be a gravy-oozing soft mess that slides down the esophagus with ease in order to facilitate greater consumption.

Oh god. Way too much Eastern European man in love with himself and way too little French Bulldog singing.

My dad used to joke when I had braces that all I needed in addition to those railroad tracks were glasses and then I would never find a husband.

Eidapalooza

It really doesn’t, though. It really doesn’t.

I already prefer dogs to people, so for sure I will one day prefer robots to people.

I think it was meant satirically

I think three months of silence is pretty strong evidence that the relationship is over :( .

...to happen in California

HOT FOR TEACHER!!

18 years ago, I put on a pair of JNCO jeans and a Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt and went to a punk show at my (rural CT) town’s local teen center. There I saw a boy, told him I was going to flirt with him and did for the rest of the night... and then, on and off (and mostly online) for the next decade or so before we…

Just going to preemptively give myself some frosted tips tonight, and get ahead of this trend.

I have never had to shove a dude’s face between my legs, my dear. They thank me for the privilege, best believe.

In Victorian times jewelry made from the lock of a loved one’s hair was very common. It was often a beautifully crafted brooch like this:

I just get my dog doing anything adorable imaginable she can think of to make you stay in bed with her. UGH AND IT WORKS GOD I HATE HER

If you like bushwackers, then you’re going to like this