Oh ha ha, you're very witty.

I totally get that you don't like his stuff (I'm not a huge fan either), but if you really don't understand why he keeps getting work, then you're...well, I'm tempted to say "willfully ignorant," but the reality is probably more like "deep down I understand why he gets work but I'm going to say this anyway because I…

Spectacular.

You mean I have penis equity?

You should have all the stars.

Also, I can't seem to find a copy of the penis lease agreement. Seems to me if God really wanted me to only use it in one specific place, he'd spell that out in the contract.

A woman going barefoot. I'm not a foot fetishist or anything, but the site of a woman's bare foot is a turn-on.

Labyrinth drinking game:

I have no idea what you're talking about. The bumper heights ARE regulated, and they ARE enforced; I've seen tickets handed out personally.

Seems to me her destiny is to form a Def Leppard cover band and sing "Pour Some Sugar On Me."

Grow up. So you don't like games. Is it so hard for you to accept that others do get enjoyment and fulfillment from playing them?

"Undead Eugenics" is the name of my Marilyn Manson cover band.

Can't speak for everyone, but the guys I know who have done it did so because (A) he's trying to impress his partner (90%) and (B) it ups the odds for a "Yes" (10%). (The corollary t0 (B) is, of course, that a public "No" is devastating.)

You are, like, one of the funniest people on the Internet. Seriously; no snark here.

Unspeakable things.

Holy crap, I don't think I'd ever be able to sleep again after going through that.

Fair enough; I wasn't thinking about flirting/sexting in general so much as the specific case of unsolicited dick pics. I can't imagine that in the history of all things that that's ever worked.

Well thanks; I'm not looking for accolades or anything. I literally do not understand the thought process behind the practice of sending pics of genitalia to someone you're not already intimate with.

In general, yes, but from the article:

I know this gets said in the comments every time we have a dick-pic-related article, but...what is the thinking behind this strategy? I mean, I'm a het male, and I've been married for a very long time. If my wife is in the right mood, and I'm in the right mood, and the circumstances were right, I might — MIGHT —…