I wonder if part of the issue for you, too, is the bizarre, paranoid games that the BBC and its competitors play with scheduling. Weird enough that timeslots change on a week-by-week basis, but most curious is the way that said timeslots are treated like state secrets, only to be revealed at the last minute.

You are awesome, and this blog is awesome, and everything is awesome.

Oh ha ha, you're very witty.

I totally get that you don't like his stuff (I'm not a huge fan either), but if you really don't understand why he keeps getting work, then you're...well, I'm tempted to say "willfully ignorant," but the reality is probably more like "deep down I understand why he gets work but I'm going to say this anyway because I…

Spectacular.

Almost certainly. And he never succeeds, because while he does hire a number of hitmen, they're all dingbats.

I'm not Craig, but virtually any ongoing series has a series bible.

You mean I have penis equity?

You should have all the stars.

Also, I can't seem to find a copy of the penis lease agreement. Seems to me if God really wanted me to only use it in one specific place, he'd spell that out in the contract.

A woman going barefoot. I'm not a foot fetishist or anything, but the site of a woman's bare foot is a turn-on.

Labyrinth drinking game:

I have no idea what you're talking about. The bumper heights ARE regulated, and they ARE enforced; I've seen tickets handed out personally.

Seems to me her destiny is to form a Def Leppard cover band and sing "Pour Some Sugar On Me."

Actually, yeah, it kind of is.

Grow up. So you don't like games. Is it so hard for you to accept that others do get enjoyment and fulfillment from playing them?

"Undead Eugenics" is the name of my Marilyn Manson cover band.

Can't speak for everyone, but the guys I know who have done it did so because (A) he's trying to impress his partner (90%) and (B) it ups the odds for a "Yes" (10%). (The corollary t0 (B) is, of course, that a public "No" is devastating.)

You are, like, one of the funniest people on the Internet. Seriously; no snark here.

Awesome.