Shortly after we started dating, my fiancee (who was 21 at the time—I was 25) told me about someone hitting on her in a bar, and referred to him as “some old dude.” I asked how old he was, and her response was “like 38.”

In the last couple years of my grandma’s life, she stopped giving any fucks and would wear slippers out to dinner. She would get up from the table the very instant she finished her food and race out to the car, no matter where in the meal the rest of us were. And she upped her one glass of Sauvignon blanc with ice…

Seriously. I had kinda reserved judgment on her until now because it's not HER fault Johnny Depp is going through the worst midlife crisis of all time, but goddamn. What a stupid, useless twit.

Wow. Bethenny Frankel is really coming for Hilaria Baldwin’s attention whore crown.

My first thought! Even if this wasn’t top-of-the-line corned beef, she was probably remembering pastrami.

OK, don’t take this the wrong way, but I am genuinely shocked, because you are the only person I’ve ever seen who a) described themselves as “ultra-orthodox,” and b) approached the issue of Jewish diaspora with maturity, thoughtfulness, and a distinct lack of any sentiment along the lines of “fuck all you…

Yeah - I’d hit that! (says chubby middle aged american lady who should be so lucky to have a such a choice :)

Terrible women are just as bad as terrible men- see, the distinction comes when you realize skin color doesn’t have a damn thing to do with it. Shitty people are shitty people regardless.

I like that idea. A “Please meet my baby” get together with close friends and family...sounds lovely :)

This sounds absolutely perfect. I would love to celebrate someone’s little baby and actually meet the bundle after they’re here. I once attended a shower given by a couple who were planning to adopt - even though no baby was on the horizon yet. They just wanted to be prepared. It was...odd at best.

Now that sounds like fun!

This would be awesome.

Didn’t baby showers used to come after the baby was born? My mom thought it was crazy that people have showers at 6-9 months pregnant, before the baby was actually born.

My grandmother had 5 kids in 8 years, starting at age 37. Didn’t know she was pregnant with #5 until she was like 8 months along, and apparently didn’t look pregnant the whole time. She was short, too, like 5 foot even, so who even knows where that baby hid.

If we’re old enough that we coined shit-ton? We are old enough that we don’t care if you think we’re too old to say it.

Close!

Someone should have just told him point blank, “That’s not cho cheese.”

Wow! She’s a better Janice Dickenson than Janice Dickenson.

As a Jew: Fuck these Jews. They are the reason Israel will cease to exist — unsurprisingly, since they were trying to kill the state from the start. I’ve begun to be much louder about the cancer they are in the Jewish community, which makes me unpopular, because guilty nonobservant Jews think they solve some kind of…

I’m waiting for the “Light As A Feather, Stiff As A Board” challenge.