No cartoon worship?! Over the line, Indonesia. Over the line. *draws imaginary line, steps over, pretends to slide down rainbow and onto the back of a unicorn*

I often wonder if there will ever be a time where people will eat food and not talk about it. Then I'm sad because no, this will never happen.

Hm. The wording of my reply is all mucked up. I'm going to eat some food and lay down.

But I can be fucked into being stressed free and therefore attractiveness, right? RIGHT? I asked my husband, but he rolled his eyes at me and said he won't play my mind games. He's no fun sometimes.

Now just hold on. I thought sex cured everything from migraines to depression and everything in between like PMDD and "hysteria." Sperm is apparently so magical I'm surprised the Chinese don't farm it like they do bear bile. But sex can't de-stress me? This makes no sense.

"God will judge me if I allow another person to have control over their own body! Please help me, I don't want to be sent to Hell for the choices of strangers!"

One of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, I think.

I know the media takes great care in what the youth of America thinks, but I honestly don't care what kids think. Not everything is about them. They'll realize that once they grow out of the Beloved Demographic just like I did.

I'm going to bookmark this for when I'm wealthy so that I'll know how to retain my wealthiness. Of course, we don't have kids so I will automatically save on live-in help. Then I can write my own article that starts out: "I don't have kids and save a ton of money! TA DA!" And everyone will ooh and aah over my…

All I can think of is that time Moss created the most comfortable bra for Jen but it set her tits on fire.

Rom Coms got so bitchy and unapproachable. I find Along Came Polly to be the worst. It's nothing but a flakey Jennifer Aniston yelling at Ben Stiller about how boring he is and has to change if he's going to get with a flakey loser like her. Which he does. I haven't been able to watch a so-called "rom com" since. …

Whoa. She and I are almost the same height, and I haven't weighed 115 since...I was 12, I think. Puberty! I graduated high school at a solid 130. Thanks, boobs and hips.

God, what is with all the glitter?

Wups, meant 85% chance. Stupid fat fingers...

No, she had the genetic mutation and an 87% chance of developing cancer. Some women just want to not go through cancer at all, the worry about developing it, the constant tests to see if it's forming, the treatment if they get it. Jolie's mother died of cancer. She chose to do what she thinks is best for her and…

I know a family with this mutated gene. One woman, a mother of triplets, fought her breast cancer twice, and when it came back a third time opted for double mastectomy. When her sister was diagnosed with cancer and tested positive for the gene, she immediately opted for double mastectomy instead of going through…

I look forward to many years of Jaden Smith's egotistical nepotism, starting with his emancipation (which I believe his parents will give him). He'll tour around with his bestie Justin Bieber and go to clubs he's far too young to be in and continue dating Kylie Jenner. He'll make appearances on one of Kris Jenner's…

Kylie Jenner is already being shot through the Barbara Walters vaseline lens? Yikes.

More parents should disown their kids.

When food goes bad in the refrigerator, it's totally the fault of my breasts. I swear they can't do anything right.