I'm sorry, but Ryan Gosling is way too classy to sign onto a made-for-tv ripped-from-the-headlines drama usually reserved for D-listers trying desperately to show Hollywood they still have talent.

I do appreciate Jezebel's consistency in telling me what I should love and what I should hate.

The reason I stopped watching the Today Show is simple. They try so hard to be "hip and current" that they're annoying. They pretend that their entire audience doesn't have access to current events or popular trends, and so once the Today Show has discovered something they act like it's new for everyone!

I will never "old talk." My whole life I've hear my mother bitch about how old she is. FORTY TWO YEARS. It's because of her that I refuse to do it. Ever. It's tired and ridiculous and I won't play that game. Have fun, though.

No clowns? Good.

Am I wrong in going through my daily life not seeing vulvas everywhere?

I'm going to go make out with my TV right now. brb

Are we still cooing over Olivia Wilde? It's like everyone wants her to be the next Julia Roberts, but she's only going to be the next Gretchen Mol.

Unfortunately, the hair of the women in my family doesn't so much turn gray or white so much as it simply leeches color. I've seen our brown/reddish hair turn into bland dirty water. There's nothing luxurious or striking about it. It simply turns...opaque. It's weird.

When I was a kid I always wondered what was wrong with Disney princesses because they always had rodents or inanimate objects talking to them but no one else witnessed these conversations.

I barely planned my wedding when I was planning my wedding. There was one person more excited about my pending nuptials, though, and that was one of my coworkers who referred to me as "Bride-To-Be" for nine months. Or maybe she just forgot my name and was to embarrassed to ask me. Daily "Good morning, BRIDE TO BE!"…

Yeah, I stopped watching when they had their upteenth "Coming up later in the show the Duggar family have a surprise announcement!" teasers. But yes, watching Lauer tongue the Kardashians is revolting.

Yes. This will help the Today Show with their viewership problem.

I think this is an appropriate response to your shenanigans, Katie Baker.

Oh, so the Chinese consuming rhino horns as medicine is morally repugnant, but Oprah smearing foreskin on her face is a beauty miracle. Is that right, Oprah? You're dumb.

What about women in combat who smoke? And does a love of Beyonce skew the numbers at all?

Remember that time the patriarch of the family made a terrible investment and lost all their money and everyone's biggest concern wasn't about all of the people they'd have to toss into the street but that they'd lose the big house and have to move into a smaller one because another idiot was all "I can't take an…

She's 23.

Thanks, Hollywood, for letting me know that I might be an okay human being. Body-wise.

I can't decide if dadagers are better or worse than momagers.