Crap. I just realized I typed "Clause." THAT'S DUMB.

A couple of years ago a dear friend of mine admitted that his (then) 14-year-old daughter still believed in Santa Clause. He told me that her innocence was more important to him and his wife than anything. Then he admitted that all of her friends made fun of her, teased her, and she even got sent home from school…

This doesn't make sense. Watching Maury has taught me that young Americans are having babies with everyone all the time. If birth rates were really so low he'd be out of a job. Right?

A lot more is going to come out? Broadwell would be better off laying low and telling her father to shut up.

I think at one point women did pass out a lot because their corsets were so tight. So they were advised to "not get excited."

Amazing how William is adored and landed himself a hot wife, all with that terrible hair! Am I right, Justin? It's almost as if primping like a prima donna doesn't matter if you're a good person and actually do good things.

Is Jezebel just going to be a collection of tweets now?

That's a GREAT idea!

My mom disowned my two sisters by sending them all of their childhood pictures and a note saying, "No one in this town knows I'm old enough to have children your age. I like it that way." So that was nice.

I'm over the whole "angsty disheveled hipster" thing. And for someone who claims to not give a sh*t, she won't shut up about how much she doesn't give a sh*t. About ANYTHING.

We all will die. Every single one of us at some point.

Or Oprah.

It doesn't matter if you look like Kate Upton, because someone is going to rake you over the coals. Do what makes you happy, be proud of yourself, and remember that all the hate that comes out of a person says everything about THEM and nothing about YOU.

I like to read to escape, not to have society's ills thrust upon me. I get enough of that already by, you know, being alive. My own experiences in addition to those of my family and friends, watching the news, reading the news, or in general just surfing the internet. I get enough "real" already. But I wish her…

After my paternal grandmother watched her husband languish and suffer in a nursing home with Alzheimer's disease for over a decade, she made her daughters (my dad didn't live close) promise her that they would never put her in a home, that when it was her time to go she'd know and they'd damn well let her go.

Don't parents remember being kids or teenagers? Because it seems like none of them remember hitting puberty, or where they heard swear words, or sneaking alcohol, or trying pot...It amazes me.

I literally let out a "gah" at the closeup of Pheobe Price's face. GAH.

Laughter will help my libido heal. Much thanks.

"If you can only self-lubricate by imagining that your mattress is stuffed with Michael Landon's hair, embrace it!"

I remember jumping on my sister's bed with my cousin Paul. He was several years older than me and did this leap off and onto the floor. I wanted to do the same thing, but instead of landing on my feet I landed on my face. One of my front teeth managed to twist sideways. My mom carefully turned it back and it was…