Finally, the league from Any Given Sunday is here for real! 

Burger King has a reuben now?!

It’s a recurring thought exercise of mine to imagine what and where Trump would be if he hadn’t inherited the fortune, business, and political connections of his stupendously wealthy father. I keep coming back to this:

If Trump wasn’t a traitorous white supremacist grounding our country into the pavement, there’d be an almost endearing Baron Munchausen quality to the man. One day a visitor at one of his hotels or casinos, who happens to own a used car dealership in a small town in Michigan, pays Trump some benign compliment, and…

His advice: Get a federal permit to kill one of the vultures, then hang it in a tree or other spot where other vultures can see it for miles around.

I’d prefer a where are they now segment on the boxers from Punch-Out.

Probably because he’s a conservative hack dressed in libertarian clothes trying to get black people to buy into supply-side economics, racial pseudoscience and the merit myth.

“Move the fuck on No Body Gives A fuck about You Or your problems”

Plus I can’t believe how many people are overlooking the obvious connection he had in the death of Jeffery Epstein:

In fairness, if you can read that billboard, you don’t live in Alabama.

Based on what he says, if any of that sweat is on his back he is gonna get deported.

Having a painful heart attack and stroke?

Gruden is so successful in failure that he’s gonna be hired by the Trump Administration pretty soon.

Whatever you’re paying that graphics guy, it’s not enough. 

So then why do you keep getting fired?

“Oh, I’m sorry. I think you meant ‘Barthelona’”

+1 pint of Belgian monk ale I got in this tiny town in Flanders, you haven’t heard of it, I will never drink American “beer” again

This reminds me of the time when John Lennon was asked if Ringo Starr was the best drummer in the world and he responded that he wasn’t even the best drummer in the Beatles... that person was Zlatan.

He was let go because he’s the only guy in Iowa with a personality

If he had ended up on teh cowboys and Emmitt was on the lions Barry would have had 25k yards rushing and emmitt would have been a night manager at a bowling alley after 3 years in the league.