Whoa, I thought I was the only one! My mom insists that I’m allergic to penicillin based on some reaction I had (but don’t remember) back when I was a little kid. For all I know, it was something else.

I had one brother, and that was enough to make his bedroom a disgusting no-go zone during his early teen years.

He was also brave enough to wait until Mariel Hemingway was 18 before he tried to seduce her. Not only a hero, but a perfect gentleman.

Guys, he only abused one child. Like, he could have abused so many more but didn’t. He’s practically a hero.

I know that the peaceful exchange of power is imperative and we need to organize for the mid-terms and 2020 to fix this shit, but if Obama attempted a violent coup, I’d totally join the resistance at this point.

Attention potential note-writers:

It’s Catholic themed this year how hard can it be to not at least wear a rosary as a necklace a la 1980s Madonna or a metal crown of thorns? I pulled this look off in 1998 as a teen with a dress that had a painting of Annunciation on it and a choker with crosses. This was also my I’m not smiling unless I have a reason…

I don’t always get abortions, but when I do I always go to my local dental center.

I live in London and I think the black nose gunk primary comes from the Tube. On days I avoid it, everything is normal. I’m not actually sure where the soot is coming from or if it’s just legacy. The trains have been electric for a long time now, but yeah you can look at the walls of the older stations and it’s just…

Opened toed shoes in the city blow my mind. And people wonder why I’m a night showerer. You were on public transportation? Bathe before you get in bed!

My first night ever in Baltimore I had a rat run across my foot. I was wearing sandals. #neveragain

No, that would be tacky. One of those funny little yellow stars they’ve seen in museums should get the message across just fine.

A yellow Star of David armband, of course.

Yep I’ve watched it for the last 15 mins😂😂😂

Man, look at how she bugs her eyes out and cocks her head, like, “ohshit, YABURNT, guess we really owned you now, huh????”.

...how is that video real?!

A party without alcohol is just another meeting.

call me when someone makes a teen sex comedy with parents worried about their sons’ virginities. then maybe i’ll be interested.

If it was me, I’d spitefully smash all of them around (or on) the cars of those who wronged me laughing the whole time like a madman. But that’s just me.