So that lazy asses like me don’t have to bother taking it off!

Exactly. Fuck this “turn the other cheek” bullshit. This is why this shit keeps happening. Stop being passive. Tell them loudly and aggressively to fuck off or you’ll press charges. It’s that simple. This is public harassment.

Hot damn people are just honestly blunt and bold these days. Awhile back, my mother was speaking to me in Spanish in line at a Wal-Mart. She was doing this to pester me because I cannot speak a lick of Spanish. I just ignore her and give her weird looks when she does this. Two other women overheard her and commented…

Numerous reporters spotted carts of Bud Light being rolled into the Capitol in preparation for a GOP House celebration.

Maybe now all you little ladies will consider using aspirin as birth control like I told you.

I’ve seen a fetus smoking a cigarette on an ultrasound. Just sayin’...

You would have dug it out of your coin purse, eh? You know, the one Velcro-ed to your fanny pack?

I really want a job as an influencer. I recommend fruit flavored seltzer water, mixed breed dogs, never wearing shoes with Velcro, and Fun Dip Lik-a-Stix. Does anyone feel influenced? Give me a dollar.

I know its supposed to be pronounced “fire”, but i keep reading it as “fry”. Then i get confused/hopeful that this was a french fry festival and wonder how they would fuck that up.

ohhhh... no i mean im not eating that shit on an island.

Everyone on the “no shampoo” bandwagon and women who only wash their hair every week (I’ve even heard every two weeks!!!) should read this. Bodies smell. There is no hair style cute enough to hide the smell of rank scalp.

A great one I read is to run your finger behind your ear, right at the part where it connects to the rest of your face, and check out the smell.

wash your hair.

That chart was made in 1903. With a sensible diet, moderate exercise, and modern medical care you should be able to continue debauching and dissipating well into your mid-fifties or beyond, depending on your opinions about plastic surgery.

Sing it, sister.

You just don’t notice when you lost both socks at the same time...

I’ve told the longer story elsewhere on Jezebel but the short of it is my wife almost died from an ectopic pregnancy. We generally fall back on “well we tried but God tried to kill my wife so I figure its out of our hands. Take it up with him.”

My favorite antique shop find:

the world has changed very much since the bull was originally placed. To me it no longer symbolizes “the resilience of the American market”, but rather, the greed and selfishness of Wall St. and their complete disregard for the middle class, trampling over them to get more money in their pockets.

Every time I see something like this it just drives home the fact that, statistically, half the people who voted are dumber than average.