My favorite part of the story is that burglar wasn’t afraid of you but someone who requires assisted living.

I daresay a bit more like Russian roulette.

Please tell me it wasn’t.

And on that note, I’d like to say that I hope you and yours are someplace safe right now.

In Soviet Russia, walls fire you!

So, first off, Donald Trump is an asshole.

[sharts]

Texas, someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets...oh.....that was sooner than I thought.

What is it with Nazis & failing at art?

“Is this thing on?”

A priest, a rabbi and a libertarian walk into a bar. The bartender refuses to serve the libertarian but serves the priest and the rabbi. When the libertarian complains, the bartender says, “Free enterprise, asshole!”

Patton Oswalt’s longstanding theory is that a lot of these assholes are failed hacky comedians, so it’s great to see him a little justified.

You ever notice how Ayn Rand is obsessed with trains? You hear about this? These folks know. She’s crazy about the trains. I say hey Ayn how about you find another way to RAIL against the government! Am I right folks? Is this thing on? Don’t check. I don’t need help. I’ll do it myself. It is on. I guess the…

It’s about time Funny or Die starts living up to its name

How did Watership not make this list? You want rabbit murder, that’s your bible right there.

This checks out.

I hope someone gets fired for that blunder.

He did, but they barred him because he kept singing Disco Inferno

1-1: The Ravens all die from overexhaustion. But first they turn grey.