Mine was “it’s 5am so the dishwasher which ran overnight must be unloaded FIRST THING or else no one will have utensils or cookware such as THIS LARGE METAL PAN LID WHICH I WILL THROW INTO THE CABINET WITH THE FORCE OF ZEUS’ LIGHTNING!!”

I’m certain that the “but her emails” crowd are the same group of people that write these emails to Deadspin and the emails Hilary were receiving look almost entirely similar to the above.

Pickle ball is fun. So is spike ball. And cornhole but it isnt competitive enough aside from the trash talk. And I dunno what the one is with the ropes but it’s a challenge. And the frisbees with the garbage cans. Oh and bocce. Good games, good games.

Not sure if it is really the same person, but it’s worth the reminder, The Dame Jo has been around these parts before:

It would be hilarious if you went into the room totally psyched, walked right past the president and introduced yourself to, like, Jim Acosta or something, and said “honor to meet you mr president you’re a lot different looking in person then in photos.”

ME! is a terrible song. That's all I have to say.

That’s some kind of transcendence to punch god in the dick and balls. You think he would have seen it coming.

Everyone’s been working hard to get him to stay in Toronto but as the old adage goes a Leonard never changes his spots.

Presidential pardon?

Given O.J.’s history, I’m really proud of his choice to go with Malcolm LaVergne instead of The Real Law Offices of Kardashian, Kardashian, Kardashian, Kardashian, and Kardashian LLP.

He’s wearing a white Ric Flair Drip t-shirt. Apparently (on the internet), this is not supposed to be a reference to a bump of cocaine. But here is Brett Hull sending a pretty clear message that he has already, in fact, went there. So I'm just gonna go ahead and say it this dude is high as a fuckin kite right now.

Let’s include lineal so that there can be 69 champs.

NOLA Lavar Ball translates to “do not wash” in Spanish, apparently.

Next step, seabass. Their mutated though.

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Wow, the rare “You’re safe, time called, but YOU gotta put the bag back in it’s hole!” ump call.

Fuck, just in time for the release of the new Ford Bronco.

But what about his brain that isn't fucking?

Haha no it's not.

White house staff is resorting to the coloring book method, so it seems. Unfortunately, intellectual development through coloring only works with toddlers, not diaper wearing septuagenarians.