IS NO ONE GOING TO MENTION THE USE OF THE MONIKER BEEF THUNDERCHEST???

The one that drives me bonkers is when people comment just to say “THIS” like saying this makes everyone suddenly agree that the thing the poster agreed on is sacrosanct.

Sam Roberts really didn’t have to worry about her walking away.

I’m a farmer. This guy broke rule #1. Never enter a grain storage vessel while it is being unloaded. There’s a syphon effect and the top of the storage is typically what get’s unloaded first.

Ed Sheeran's group of soldiers were singing songs. Aaron Rodgers' team's city was getting sacked. It all makes sense.

Could be worse. Like, you could have been born in Dildo, NL.

We’re planning on calling our first born Grey Worm. Has a nice catch to it.

I was talking about this with my fiancee last week. We can’t wait to judge people’s choice of kids names when were older because inevitably some little one is going to be named Cersei or Joffrey. This will inevitably lead to immense skepticism on our part regarding the true lineage of the child. But really, how could…

Monix:What you eating there Jackie?

But did they get rufied? Cause this seems like a good way to get rufied.

Didn’t know chief financial office David Wallace’s middle name was Foster....

Yea as a farmer acutely aware of the chronic food waste problem, this guy is a goddam hero.

Wtf is pemdas. It’s bedmas.

I prefer the line “give me 10 good men and I’ll impregnate the bitch” as a metaphor for how badly the Celtics have fucked this season up.

Marry her twice

Weed’s legal, it’s spring time in the city (gotta go check out the cherry blossoms in Hyde Park [NATURE!]), school is over (byebye passionate fanbase of liberal arts majors) and the leafs shit the bed. Combine that with tired old Rod Black and Leo Rautins on the teevee and a Ford brother holding political office and…

My favorite is when there’s a long silence and everyones like “Hellooooo lieutenant Daaaan ice creeeam!” and they come back like “oh sorry had the phone on mute I was talking the whole time!” when really we all know they were in the kitchen making pizza bagels or something.

Top Secret Twitter coming soon. It’ll be the new verified.

One of my earliest memories, from kindergarten, was an alphabet floor mat which each child had an assigned letter to sit at each day during role call.

South Africans should be on this list. They’re like a more racist Australian if that is even possible.