You have to admit it was pretty badass when he said 'Yippee Ki Yay, motherfucker," and that part where he ran over the glass in his bare feet…

Wakka wakka!

I have literally the best tasting everything ever. Just ask me. :)

Ok, sorry, it's the most fascinating subject matter ever conceived…

I'm just offended by how trite the idea is…

No, see, it's okay—they have black writers…

I can assure you if I were a Newtown parent, I'd be in prison for murder…

You forgot Temple of the Dog…

At long last, I've found my spirit animal…

You forgot Jesus…

Chickee Choop Choop is my new favorite phrase.

I was hoping they were going to fly him to Melbourne, Australia and dump his ass in the middle of the outback…

I dunno, I'd be willing to watch it on HBO or something… At the very least, it's only 90 minutes long—I find that, in general, comedies that run much longer outstay their welcome. Obviously, there are exceptions—The Big Lebowski, for instance, but overall, 90 minutes is sort of the comedy sweet spot. I think my most…

It's actually a euphemism for a blowjob… it's an incredibly stupid band name… it's a BJ "minus the Bear"

"Tweet in single words only the good things that come into your mind about… your mother."

Yes, indeedy!

How can you disparage the inimitable Nicholas Sparks?!?!

It's a checklist of the same bullshit—cryptic dialogue over waterphone and atmospheric sound effects, bass drop, pounding drums, buildup to a giant banging climax, ethereal element fading out—then possibly a jump cut at the very end. My wife and I have started checking off elements as they happen.

How bout you go somewhere and play a game of the early to mid 2000's DVD party game hit, 'Scene It?'

I don't find either of them particularly charming…