Jennifer. A responsible mom tells her young child she's just laughing her ass off over the toy because it looks like so much fun, then quietly removes the bizarre appendage from the packaging after said child is sound asleep on the floor. Responsible mom can then keep the doohickey to show her friends over cocktails…

People wearing blue jeans with exposed rivets who lean against your clear coat should be shoved out of airplanes and then the parachute a few seconds later.

I just think a lot of it is modern teetotalism masquerading as "SAFETIES FIRST!"

Drug tests are 99% socially accepted employee terrorism. Unless you work with heavy equipment, who gives a shit?

Or — y'know — be nice to every bubbly older woman all the time. I myself am a bubbly older woman (okay, older woman), and being ignored is pretty much a given from most quarters.

YOU GUYS. If you live in Bellingham, Massachusetts, you have to be super nice to every bubbly older woman you see from now on. Just in case it's her.

the article is not trying to be funny

My girlfriend's response:

i would also see a movie version of this where he really was a cia assassin.

Keira and her hubby are so cute! That is going to be the most adorable baby ever!

mazel tov.

That Knighton baby is going to be solidly good looking.

Thanks, I'll update!

Stealing a candy bar and robbing a bank are also both crimes. Doesn't mean they're comparable.

Mine is Hugh G. Dix.

Is it? Mine is "Mrs. Idris Elba."