Don’t forget that Petraeus was actually convicted of doing what Hillary Clinton was merely accused of doing.

If Gen. Petraeus is selected as the new national security adviser, he will have to notify his probation officer within 72 hours.

Jesus you fucking Patriot fans just don’t know how to stop after you’ve already won

We are all #12.

That’s neat. But can he do it on a cold, rainy night in Stoke?

You son of a bitch! +1

NJ.com also noted that there is “no mention of whether the teams in the St. John’s team’s division - the JV black league - can or cannot be co-ed, though other divisions are mentioned as strictly boys or girls teams.”

The kids are alright.

Fattest president since Taft.

I think she’s the best, but she is not exactly dominant in terms of the recording industry. A new record by Elvis—yes, Elvis—outsold Lemonade three-to-one in 2016.

I mean, she’s the best, right? I’m a 40 year-old straight, white dude. I’ve lived through every other dominant male or female recording superstar for the last 35 years. She just destroys everything in her path. I am in awe of what she is able to do to impact music.

Now witness the power of this fully armed and operational elementary school!

FOR GOD SAKE NO ONE TELL BETSY DEVOS!

Dime Bags Two For One

In related news, Kyle Shanahan decided against a short run to the White House and will instead, pass.

I would go just so I could pull my hand back and slick back my hair right when Trump went to shake it. I’d be a hero to all the other secret detainees in Guantanamo.

One time, I forgot about a presentation I had in fourth grade. I didn’t research or read anything. Totally forgot about it for weeks. I did my best to wing it, but I only fooled the other idiot kids in the room, not my teacher. Every time Trump speaks, I hear that presentation.

Breaking news: Woman who was jacked in the face by enormous, physically powerful athlete was “Not actually asking for it,” but was, in fact, being harassed even before punches were thrown.

You expect me to believe that a man who would punch a woman would also make a gay slur?