The older I get the more I’m convinced that “everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth” is the truest and most perfect philosophical statement ever uttered.

The gif that keeps on giffing

I look forward to reading his upcoming Deadspin articles.

Yeah, he’s a weird scapegoat in this saga. Flash back a week and a half ago and there were people all over the internet (including on this family of websites) writing pieces about how he was being way too bullish about Trump’s chances. Now, we’re blaming him for not being bullish enough...

Nate Silver’s model was the only one which gave Trump a good chance of winning. Take it up with the Huffington Post and Sam Wang; they gave Clinton close to a 99% chance of winning....

Gronk: “What’s wrong with it?”

The hijabs cancel out. I learned that in my Muslim Math 101 class at Trump University.

I’m trying to figure out the logical end of this thought that isn’t “it’s okay to withhold the rights of a person in hijab if it’s by another person in hijab.”

Please, please, please, let the Trump-Pence administration’s first full scale scandal... be the contents of leaked emails.

To be fair, it is difficult for Chris Christie to stand for long periods of time.

he will continue to sit for as long as Trump is president.

Ashley, I know you probably take a lot of shit over your work here, so I wanted to tell you I have started to deliberately check Deadspin when something like this breaks, knowing that your article will both appropriately reinforce my horror and commiserate with it. You’re great. Fuck anyone who tells you otherwise…

BAC TO THE FUTURE

My dad did this to me when I was a kid. He said, “I’m leaving your mother.” Then he left. Mom said he moved to a farm upstate where he had room to run around and play. But I’m an adult now. I know the truth. She had him killed.

A very poor Ric Flair impersonation.

She was probably just trying to make TE.

“she boiled a pot of water. Then, she walked over to Smith and poured it on him. When Smith didn’t react strongly enough for her, she started hitting him with her open hands, she told police.”

It’s an unedited copy of the closed captioning. We’ll get a cleaned up version, I’m sure, but in the meantime, these aren’t Deadspin’s errors. They’re the closed captioner’s errors. I mean, except for the parts that aren’t sentences and/or don’t make sense, that’s all Donald.

Ted Cruz’s lip booger will remain the most haunting moment of this election. I deeply fear it will be the last thing I think of before I die.