I want to buy you a “Greatest Dad on Earth” coffee mug filled to the brim with bourbon. And I want to pay a stripper to deliver said coffee mug to you, wrapped and hidden snuggly in her own box.

My girl has hinted a few times that she hates public proposals at sporting events, or really crowded areas, because it’s supposed to be an intimate thing between two people in love. It’s not to get publicity for yourself and try to get a viral video or your 15 seconds of social media fame!

He was clearly trying to steal a tape measurer! Lock him up and throw away the key!

*fucking fucked.

These people are professional athletes. I don’t buy that “they don’t have passion for the country” shit. If you’re playing with the US, odds are the other side of your dual citizenship either sucks, or is very very good and you don’t stand a chance to get on the pitch. Either way, you have a chip on your shoulder, I…

+1 ball gag

The only thing deeper than Tim Howard’s American roots are the V’s in his T-shirts.

You are nailin’ it!!

This isn’t relevant or justifiable, but in the age of the internet, I won’t keep this to myself:

Did you read the article?

It’s low.

Came here for this, John. Thanks.

Don’t forget Mike Hunt.

Needless to say, the announcement did not go over easy.

+1 Inverted Choco-Taco

They still won’t admit they got played. They’ll somehow blame it on the “crooked liberal media” and Bob’s your uncle, Civil War 2!

You mean intelligent community, right?

This begs the question:

He wasn’t out-manning Eli, that’s for god damn certain.

Perfect opportunity to yell something like, “I used to fuck guys like you in prison!”