How the hell is West Ham’s Olympic Stadium-related taxpayer swindle not in this list?

Nobody in football wears a cup, and the “spikes” are “studs”, are blunt and made of plastic. It doesn’t help this bloke, of course, but what happened here was very much a freak occurrence.

Where do you think Cheddar cheese originates from?

Nothing wrong with a tactical wank. He’s just thinking of you.

BROCK HOLT!

“Squads”, “league”, “cup”.

That’s not a volley: he took it first time, but after it bounced.

Sunderland should have given Southampton a run for their money today, but they were absolutely awful. I can’t remember the last time I saw a team give the ball away so carelessly, so regularly. Moyes isn’t long for the job, I reckon.

I read this post in the hope of finding out that Trump supporters weren’t actually the fucking imbeciles I suspected them to be, but had actually had some credible reasons for voting for him.

Ah, well.

If I’m in charge of the investigation, every pool boy within thirty miles is getting pulled in for questioning.

I brought biltong (jerky) back with me from a business trip to South Africa and my kids loved it: they ate almost nothing else for a couple of days and were constantly running around with it in their hands. Imagine my joy, then, when I awoke one morning to find a small piece of biltong on the carpet outside the…

Sky has televised game on Monday nights for as long as I can remember.

To be fair, you could murder someone in cold blood, and as long as it’s in the opposing team’s penalty area, it wouldn’t be a penalty.

Well, if he’s back doing good things, they must have saved them for the end of this video because he sure as shit wasn’t doing them in the three minutes I watched before I gave up.

Up until about, oh, ninety seconds ago I was a firm opponent of the death penalty.

Bryan Robson’s goal against France in the 1982 World Cup. As first sports memories go, this is a pretty good one.

His English has improved, though.

They do it every ten minutes or so during the game, too. It’s terrifying, and absolutely fantastic.

At least, this way, he doesn’t have to get his static caravan hauled all the way down the M1.

I heard the release clause was actually triggered by Arsenal agreeing to set up a caravan for Vardy in the Emirates’ car park.