What’s funny is, had he done this in a Cardinals uniform last year, the tone of this post would be remarkably different.

If only there were some device that you could put in your ear that only you could hear.

Clicking on any Deadspin link installs Stuxnet on your computer. They remotely activate the camera and record you yelling at your children while you masturbate to Supreme Court opinions. It’s what approximately 35% of their audience is doing at any given moment.

Help me.

I worked at a bbq joint and it sold hot dogs. I had a customer order a hot dog, Mayo only. After I brought it to him, he asked for 2 pats of butter. When I came back to check on the table, sure enough there was a butter and mayo covered hot dog. I had to quickly walk away and dry heave in horror. Oh and I think he…

“But, anyway, to hell with Georgia.”

Agreed.

Is Ted Cruz part of your household?

My cat hugs me. Of course I think that’s to get a better grip for biting my face...

Well, we all know Alex Rodriguez likes a clean bat. That reminds me of a guy the Dodgers had up for a cup of coffee near the end of 1968, the Year of the Pitcher, of course. Now, this young man, he liked to keep his wood glistening. He would polish it every day. Just in case he’d make it in the lineup. But the skip -…

No waste? Really? You didn’t even do away with the moronic piece of plastic that allegedly functions to keep the cheese from sticking to the box but whose actual use is merely as a nightstand in Barbie’s Dream House.

Patton Oswalt sums up the movie fairy well.

Too bad another flag is also very popular there.

I’ve composed a poem/insane person rant using all of Drew’s all caps words:

PRAXTYN

This sounds like something Bobby Valentine would have actually done, so yes, I agree.

Two cups of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” One cup of yogurt says, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”

Okay, but when you say “we’re pregnant” you imply that both will be carrying the baby and squeezing it out an impossibly small orifice or having it cut out of them. Only one of them is going to be doing that. I think it’s just New Age touchy feely artsy craftsy bullshit. There, I said it.

What are you, 5?

FYI the pic you used is one of a kid eating dippin dots...so.....

You left off "for 82 year olds" in the headline.