Frankly, the real victim here is Alison Chu’s vagina

Please. He couldn’t even prevent the Boston Marathon bombing.

Mark Wahlberg and I have one thing in common... we both wish he would have been on that plane on 9/11.

Magary can write circles around Simmons.

America is sliding into oligarchy with the widening income disparity and the ability of companies to more easily guide political campaigns since Citizens United. Billionaires, especially the politically active ones, actually effect major parts of government. It’s important to know if they’re racist morons.

You have to consider the context.

Here’s a cold take: go fuck yourself.

It’s also refreshing to know that Shaq and Chuck bury the hatchet after every show, usually into one of these:

Dead? No, he’s not dead. See?

Hey, if you are Cleveland, and have the chance to sign a modern day Jim Brown, you do it!!

The real kicker in all this is, of course, Kareem Hunt. 

And/or given actual nose bleeds...

Well, he still has that infectious smile.

He certainly is. He also can’t see.

Well, I’m sure I am someone else’s Trimet horror story. I was carless and had to pick up my cat from the vet, so I packed him up in a little carrier and got on the 17 to go home. I thought nothing of it until I was halfway there, when I felt some weird ...WARMTH spreading across my lap. Turns out my cat, in his sad,…

On the train, I started to smell something foul. I glanced towards the back where there was a young woman changing a poopy diaper. Not the greatest situation, but I shrugged it off.

Does this count? I was riding BART home from work on a crowded train and out of the corner of my eye I see an older man (seated back to me) raise his phone kind of like at a selfie angle. I kind of wondered to myself why an older guy was taking a selfie, but thought thought of that old guy using a selfie stick review (…

14 yrs ago. 11PM. F train.

I was sitting across from an older gentleman with a viking hat on who was eating dried rice from a bag. A rude adolescent at the time, I couldn’t help but watch him, mouth ajar, since we were sitting parallel. He looked me dead in the eye and spit a combination of rice and mucous across the row and into my mouth.

My analytics show that the best way make money is to be born with it.