It’s cool to see an older player still developing his game this late in his career. The Kings knew they were signing a great rebounder and post scorer, but now they’re getting a distributor too.

They sound like lyrics to a really fucked up version of “You Can Call Me Al.”

As a man, I will gladly start shaking women’s hands to say goodbye. I’ve always felt like I’ve been obligated to hug them for some reason. I have also tried to hug other men goodbye to level the playing field, but some men are way too macho for a hug dude!

At least they got Rafael AT&T’s name right.

I was -1 year old when they won the Super Bowl and I tear up thinking about it. This entire city is brainwashed.

Did they even look for the stripper who was wearing it?

I’d rather have Katy Perry as head of energy department. Or Steve Perry. Or Richard the refrigerator Perry or even Fred Perry and I think he’s dead. Dig him up.

the moral of the story is don’t bring a knife to a can fight.

I’d be tempted to do one of these videos but make the color green and end the video by turning to the camera and saying, “We’re having a Velociraptor. We spared no expense.”

And then the screen goes black with a loud raptor scream from Jurassic Park.

I’ve always found something incredibly strange about these gimmicks. We have a family friend who did this via popping a balloon, and all I could think was “the only two people on the planet who know this extremely intimate and private piece of information are the OBGYN and some 17-year old at Party City.”

Not many people know this but KatyPerrysBootyHole is actually Tim Kurkjian

I’m fucking dying that that correction is real life. Who says journalism is dead?

Dana always looks like a guy who shows up for the threesome but ends up jerking off in the corner as the two girls go at it.

Making fun of his weight is just picking low hanging fruit, which Christie would never touch, unless it’s covered in chocolate or filling a pie; because he’s a fatty fatty 2x4, can’t fit through the kitchen door.

“It was a stupid decision. I hope nobody wants to do the same because it’s wrong. I’m sorry.”

What did Cheetolini say this time? I’m watching Predator at work and don’t feel like clicking the link to his Twitter feed.

This is really one of those golden opportunities for me. I mean, what if I call and we really hit it off? I’m just saying what if MY call is the ONE CALL he answers out of thousands and we vibe. I feel like we would vibe, me and Jimmy Butler the professional basketball star. It would probably start slow. Like he’d…

There’s really nothing remarkable here. Lots of athletes take time out of their schedule to visit retarded children.

“Great team, awesome win. Love the Cubs. Since I was a boy, I loved them, watched them win that big championship back when I was a kid, fan ever since. Huge, great. Tom Ricketts, good friend of mine, great friend. Talk to Ernie Blanks on the phone twice a month, just to chat. That’s how much the Cubs mean to me. …