Is it really a joke if it’s not funny?

I mean, I can get a ticket, a medium soda, and a popcorn for $10... each.

Good point. What are the odds the whole production was The Producers style scam?

They’ll pay you $7 to watch it? That’s not even minimum wage.

A bunch of stupid bullshit happened that no one needs care about except that Jezebel/GMG need clicks.

Nah, everyone knows about Gitmo now so it’s not inconspicuous for a black site. The new place to take detainees and torture them is Skyline Chili.

He already plays for the Marlins. What more punishment can you really expect?

Perfect example of Instagram’s nipple hypocrisy

Okay, good point. List of reasons to be on Twitter, ever (revised):

How about “Mr. Taylor,” you shitfucks?

Have you seen Afghanistan, Iraq, Yemen, Syria, or Libya? We don’t even rule at war any more.

List of reasons to be on Twitter, ever:

1.

NFL parity is a social myth - there hasn’t been any meaningful parity across the league since the 1990s. In some divisions maybe yes, but the AFC in particular has been dominated by the Brady/Manning/Roethlisberger trifecta. But this really gets to the heart of the matter: NFL quarterbacks get paid boatloads because…

This is all wrong. Cut is more important than length. You want something that fits your leg a little bit more loosely than a glove. If your shorts are baggy, they’re going to look bad no matter the length; if they fit too tightly, you just look fat. 

Zlatan isn’t washed up; washing up is Zlataned.

If she wanted to be a bitch about it, she’d just point out to the court that he’s an alcoholic and get 100% custody. The fact that a joint custody arrangement is even on the table says she’s not trying to beat him at anything.

Were you really expecting any kind of moral clarity from guys who take millions of dollars a year to order young men to give each other concussions?

Here’s a hot take: hitting someone with a pitch inside the batter’s box should be an automatic ejection and suspension. If it’s intentional, it’s unsporting conduct, and if it’s not, the pitcher doesn’t have control of the ball. Either way they’re a danger and shouldn’t be in the game.

If you meet the Buddha, kill him.

There were never any A’s fans. The whole reason they came up with the moneyball approach is because they had no fans and no money.