I never realized he was completely and totally innocent and really the victim in all this! It’s nice of him to clarify the real story. He’s such a babe in the woods, it’s infuriating that everyone everywhere in the world is out to get him. Except me.

Absolutely. I mean I hate the Wings (old Avs fan), but the guy was a monster at both ends of the ice for a very long time. Like Barry said, the numbers don’t tell the story- you just couldn’t get anything done with him on the ice. He’d break up your attacks, he’d be a demon with the puck, he’d cause you nightmares in…

Sure Jerrah, you just go ahead and guarantee all those fancy contracts you hand out and you might just get your extra 2 games.

He’s just doing his job as a lawyer... he’s showing that he his sympathetic and understanding of the prosecuting side. You don’t want them to be enemies, get your lawyer to come to even ground with the prosecutors and get deals. It’s also code for “I completely disagree with my client, but I have to do my best to…

That email definitely seems like a prequel to the next Email of the Week, where we find out that microwaving sushi leads to the evolution of a Shitzilla in your large intestine that demolishes your organs like they’re Tokyo skyscrapers.

Great now I have to beat off at work.

Mike Vrabel looks like the kind of guy who slaps himself in the face to get psyched up for a Fun Run. 

Looks like the dadbod trend is the rare fashion that starts in the US and moves to France instead of the other way around.

All that time spent dancing, he could be using to focus on THE GAME AHEAD. Typical glory boy bullshit.

When it comes to JAQing off, no one is better than Glenn Beck.

While the OP is definitely some media hating/consuming weirdo, I also think it’s weird that these sports yakkers are going in on Brady’s personal quack ad nauseam during his cross-promotional puff interview. This dummy throws balls for a living and we act like all this shit is so important. On a certain level it’s not…

I don’t have the answers, either. What I do know it that the fencing most likely saved Wickens’ life. Had the car gone beyond that... I don’t know. The fence itself isn’t the problem. It’s the poles that hold it up.

I have had a little rebellious hobby for years: every time I’m in a supermarket checkout line, I turn the top copy of the Enquirer over. Just doing my little part to prevent even the subliminal distribution of the messages on their trashy front page.

His appeal comes from his eyes. When he is flatulating he looks into the camera and straight into your soul. You truly feel that he is not releasing gas from his ass because his body compels him to but because he wants you to know what it means to be human.

You know - If I had to imagine the face of the guy who got fired for posting his farts... Yeah. Pretty much that guy.

These two look like they were grown in a laboratory somewhere

This is what happens when your browser spasms with ad adjustments, the articles auto-load at the end of the page, and you don’t pay attention, kids. Don’t be like me. Pay attention.

This Deadspin cross-article promotion is getting out of hand.

Your move, Cosmo the Cougar.

I hate wood too.