The combination of the trophy itself, in the hands of someone who has suffered a long time in hopes of finally lifting it, underscores the commonly held fact that the Stanley Cup is just the best fucking totem of a championship.

Good for them! I’m pro back-monkey removal.

Recently leaked cellphone video of the same animal control officer capturing a pig.

Well in her/his defense I’m not sure anybody could’ve expected a situation where an NBA team went full CSI on their cell phones.

how many times are we going to do this dance?

“We gotta get these guys motivated to make the roster.”

I’m a runner and I’m here to tell you that the poops are a well documented and unavoidable side effect of running long distance for many people. There are youtube compilations of both famous and amateur runners pooping their pants or copping a squat in the middle of a race.

You gotta admit, this must suck for radio reporters.

FOX News: Malcolm Jenkins, pictured here kneeling during Anthem before Super Bowl LII against the Patriots,

He’s a long time practitioner of Transcendental Defecation.

So, if Colangelo were to somehow be arrested for this, would it be, like, a normal collar?

Trump using “The Snake” as his constant refrain would be seen as hackish in a screenplay.

This is the finest kind, Roth. Glad you write for this website I spent far too much time on.

Tim Horton lady really is the Hamlet of poop stories.

How the fuck do you touch the underside of a seat you are sitting on? Do you reach your hand in and have to feel around to figure out where the poop came out? I can honestly say I have never touched the underside of a toilet seat while wiping my ass and am genuinely interested to hear how it happens.

“These fans are still invited to the White House to be part of a different type of ceremony—one that will honor our great country, pay tribute to the heroes who fight to protect it, and loudly and proudly play the National Anthem”

If it did, he’s certainly been searching for them.

Somewhat unrelated, but with the Yankees having so many rainouts, they are simultaneously in first (by win %) in the AL East, but also 1 game back (by wins/losses):

That is the opposite of what is going on in these videos. They reference the cameras several times, particularly the initial officer.

He had to hit it extra hard so it would escape his gravitational pull.