Survey says: “Not sober.”

I may not be an NFL head coach, but at least I toss my drug-fueled ramblings in the trash like a courteous citizen.

This is how I’m interpreting it:

This is exactly right.
He’s a protection racket that still burns your fucking store down after you pay him.

Plus ever try to piss standing up post-coital? I’m more likely to soak the dog in the living room than the toilet in front of me.

A man bun is a tonsorial condition. Calling it a choice is classic victim blaming.

Cardboard Arie is physically unable to sit on a couch

carrying a cardboard cutout of Becca’s ex Arie

You’re a disgrace to your username.

Yeah... How dare she point those cameras at herself and order the tv feed director to put her up on a split screen for the last few laps, like they do with the driver’s WAGs every fucking year if they’re track-side. /s

Going high with how those cars just randomly lost control throughout the race was both beautiful and terrifying. I rewound my dvr just to watch it again. Most impressive.

Also, shout out to Rossi’s double and triple passes late in the race. He didn’t win it, but he had the sexiest passes of the race by a long shot!

Aussie Aussie Aussie - Australians clean up at Monaco and Indy!

Yikes, man, wow. It’s comments like these that make me glad I never learned how to read.

I guess I don’t really C what the B D is.

The Titanic, starting from the age of six until that goddamn fucking movie came out.

Greek Mythology. My favorite teacher all the way up to college was my 4th grade teacher who taught us about Greek gods, heroes and monsters. It stuck with me hard.

The platypus. It (along with the echidna) is the only mammal to lay eggs. Plus they have poisonous barbs, beaver-like tails and use electrolocation. The ultimate utility animal.

My penis. I know, I know. What boy wasn’t obsessed with his ding-dong? His tallywacker? His angry senator? His passionate soccer fan? But you asked, and all I can say is, mine continues to grow on me.

No need to fuck yourself. This article would’ve been a lot better without the Abdul-Rauf part. Ignorant Muslims are not better than ignorant people from other faiths or atheists.