There are only three kinds of people who support Trump.

How else would people know that he won the election a couple of years ago, when nobody thought he could?  

I once, while waiting tables, dropped a basket of buffalo wings on a woman wearing a very nice, white sweater.  It made a really cool abstract design, but she didn’t really see the art in it.  

Awesome riffs. If you like stoner/desert rock on the slightly heavy side,this is for you.

Was it Ahmad Rashad’s wedding?

I could be wrong, but Beckham always struck me as, let’s just say, not very smart.  But it seems that he was aware of this fact and tried not to say too much.  

He is exactly A-Rod, just more talented. Great call.

In hockey, the ref can penalize a player for embellishing. Players who embellish repeatedly get fined.  This has to happen in soccer.

What is truly hot about Elastagirl is that Holly Hunter is the coolest and sexiest woman on earth. I fell in love with her when I saw Broadcast News, and her voice and general awesomeness are what make Elastagirl boner worthy.

Well, Florida is shaped like a dick.

No. You pour the chip crumbs into a clean bowl, then add the salsa so you can get a proper proportion of chips to salsa, then eat with a spoon.

I have one bottle of cologne.  My wife bought it for me in 2005 and it’s about three-quarters full.  I even like it!

Well, if it’s popping up on Twitter it must be true.  Hey, did you hear that the girl from Stranger Things hates gay people?

To be fair, his job is to screw over the players during CBA negotiations.  The union is at fault if they get screwed.  The NFL is the prime example of this.  

I like drinking in Germany. No need to get two beers since they come in frosty litre mugs.

If I’ve had a long day and find myself in a bar at its conclusion, I always order two because the first one is usually gone in less than a minute.

Kyrie?

A lot of people don’t know that Lincoln was a Republican. A lot of people.

I’m not a fan because he seems like a giant phony to me, but he is legitimately one of the very best golfers ever. Love him or hate him, he’s made golf way more fun for the past thirty years.