“Just kill me”

As a guy who is painstakingly trying to level and re-seed bald spots in my backyard right now, I’m about to cry. However, the enthusiast in me cries tears of joy. But I’m also a landlord, so we’re back to sad tears again. Cognitive Dissonance is a bitch.

reports were that the vandalism earlier this year—including a message keyed into the car that said “MOVE”—did $7,500 worth of damage.

It still is!

If tossing a salad behind a truck on the side of the highway is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

D.B. Pooper

The Briggs & Stratton purist in me says that a six-wheeled Briggs & Stratton has one too many wheels.

As long as the car takes the assault charges and not me, I’m fine with that.

President Trump will mandate that all self-driving cars automatically engage in road rage violence for you. It is known.

So you mean this, but for batteries? I approve.

TIL the ancient Egyptians were in charge of designing the Atari 2600.

I mean, dying is right, technically. Eventually we all die. As we sit here, we’re ticking away second-by-second to our eventual death. In the meantime, please enjoy some curly fries, but ultimately, everyone dies regardless.

This encapsulates everything that’s wrong in the world today: we have 12 year-old kids stealing SUVs instead of proper sports cars.

Exactly! People are making such a big deal about this.

“... one of those crazy hypermiler Geo Metros with the home-made wheelskirts and huge teardrop tail.”

::cries red, white, and blue tears of joy::

Or a stunt ramp.