If you’re Snake Plissken, you grab your surfboard.

I like Spanish olive oil. Everything else is a close second.

Bob Saget’s version of the Aristocrats was only slightly less funny than Mother Teresa’s. 

I saw it. Like I said, I didn’t invent it. You really want to die on this hill?

It’s a comment section.

Where do you think I got it from. Didn’t say I invented it. Sheesh.

Meh, flying doesn’t bother me. I just don’t like watching the ground fall away on take off and even that is minimal. I like flying at night, looking out the window is magical. Seeing the towns and streetlights. I like the landings.

My rule of thumb is that if it’s too cold for you, it’s too cold for your dog.

Celsius? What, are you some kind of sorcerer?

When you’re selling your drugs, don’t have your “customers” park in front of my house to wait for you to bring them your wares. Have them park in front of your house.

Don’t even try to guess about the cars. Saw some action one time and every conceivable kind of car rolled up with blue and red lights flashing in the grill. From pick-ups to minivans. It was astounding. Also, the SWAT team in our city uses white vans with blacked out windows. So, it’s either the cops or a group of…

I’m surprised that people need to be taught this.

Death of Stalin is hilarious, if you’re not a post war Russian.

COFFEE IS THE BATTERY ACID OF LIFE!

Remington 870 for the looters ‘cause you know they’re coming.

Bells don’t work, they figure out how to walk without ringing it.

Primary bedroom in the big house.

I miss Limewire.