No, this would be history’s least wanted rematch:

“Crap, now I need to catch 343 more TDs and run for 68 more.”

-Rob Gronkowski

Looks like what they really need is a bigger MartaVisor because the one Gruden is wearing clearly isn’t doing its job properly.

Oy Veigh.

430 AM, right? Because in this world, POTUS is already (still? I don’t even know) Tweeting at that time, and that’s a good time to start drinking.

Tony Blair called, he wants to know if ex-Prime Ministers are eligible.

“football program that should probably be nuked out of existence.”

I mean, when Kim Jong-un finally snaps and nukes DC, and the crappy North Korean guidance system doesn’t quite work, I’d say it is pretty likely the missile will miss downtown DC and land in College Park...

And yet somehow they are not the most incompetent group of people running things in DC right now.

I know nobody cares about anybody else’s fantasy team, but that Blair Walsh field goal literally is the reason I didn’t win my fantasy league (and a few hundred bucks). Very last play of the week, if that field goal goes in, I win. He misses, I lose. I go on to miss the playoffs on a tiebreaker because I lost that…

Bond: “Do you expect me to talk?”
Musk: “No Mr. Bond. I expect you to die! But I haven’t quite figured out the technology for my laser yet. Hang out here until I finish the hyperloop, then I’ll get working on the laser, and then, I expect you to die!”

I don’t think we’re paying enough attention to the fact that they’re playing the national anthem before a practice... is that a common thing?? That’s insane.

She can almost certainly see Russia from her backyard, so it shouldn’t be too hard to catapult her there.

Do we know what brand of skis he was using? If it wasn’t K2, I feel like the company missed a HUGE branding opportunity.

“Man skis down K2, presented by... Rossignol! Shit.”

This has three times as many stars as the original comment, and still needs more stars.

Don’t do it! It’s a trap!

WHY COULDN’T YOU SLIDE JEREMY GIAMBI???? WHYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!
(I was 13 years old. That was the day I realized the world is a cruel and horrible place and my childhood ended.)

The world made a lot more sense to me the day I realized that half the people out there are either eviler or dumber than average... didn’t make the world any better, but at least it made things make sense!

Ugh. Time to drink some beer and listen to Abbey Road.

I’m just impressed that a ball made it almost to the fence through all that foul territory...

(Source: spent most of high school watching games and eating dollar hot dogs at the stadium formerly known as McAfee Coliseum).

Does “Dirks Nowitzki” really need to be pluralized? I thought it alreay was... you have one Dirk Nowitzkus, multiple Dirk Nowitzki. Any middle school Latin student could tell you that.

How can you ignore an internet petition to drink the remains of Mummy McMummyface?

I hear Hernancortes was also great in college, especially against San Diego State.