Ooh-wee

Vespa? Now I’m picturing a wasp riding a scooter with a girl wasp on the back, speeding down the streets of Rome going “Ciao!”

I often wonder about what happened to the Africanized bees thing, because my yard backs up to a wooded area and has plenty of flowering plants, and I’m pretty sure there’s a bee colony close by, and on a bright, sunny spring day like today, bees are all over the place. And they could not give less of a fuck that I’m…

“Oat soda, Gary.”

I just remembered a time I made my wife and I White Russians. She set hers down for a few minutes on the table next to the couch, and when she came back, the glass was almost empty. She was like “Who the fuck drank my White Russian?!” Then the dog guiltily sidled out of the room, walking noticeably crooked, and we…

David Letterman was way ahead of the curve on this one.

Example: The way Becki Newton’s bottom teeth are slightly unevenly spaced is very sexy to me. I’m sure she’s asked someone, “Should I get my teeth fixed?” and it was a smart person who said “Oh, god no!”

When you someone teeth it.

S’about right.

I was always ambivalent about Black Widow in the Marvel movies, until that moment in Winter Soldier where she pulls up in a sports car and coyly says “Hey” to Sam Wilson. I immediately fell in love with the character.

How about they get the all the cast members (that are still alive) to recreate the “Little Green Bag” walking sequence, except they are all at least six feet away from each other and wearing masks.

Executive Producer: Woody Harrelson

Well, I never really thought of myself as “lowbrow,” but so be it.

Man, am I glad I didn’t buy that piece of crap just to make sure I was giving it a fair shake. It should be noted that I thought The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi were both good, with some greatness sprinkled in (especially in the case of The Last Jedi) and some awfulness (also especially in the case of The Last…

I was just thinking about Burns the other day, and how he usually has no idea who Homer is, yet he can hear someone refer to the Beatles and immediately go, “Beatles? Ah, yes, I seem to recall their off-key caterwauling on the old Sullivan show. I don’t know what Ed was thinking.”

I made the comment a couple of weeks ago that now the time is ripe for Clinic to stage a comeback.

I figured the plan would fall apart when Rusty took off and hauled ass with the first cartful of groceries, never to be seen again.

Yes, his gleeful, ecstatic panting as he’s hauling ass with that thing just kills me.

Coronavirus-themed Seinfeld episode idea: Kramer and Newman hatch a scheme to hire out the homeless to go into stores and do people’s grocery shopping for them for a fee. Jon Gries returns as “Rusty”.

I don’t remember that, but I remember some half-hour HBO comedy special where Tompkins was telling stories at a “bar” with a bartender in the background. The main thing I remember was him talking about hanging out at Dirty Frank’s, a dive bar my wife used to go to when she lived in Philadelphia.