I see Robert Pattinson and think “comedy” in the same way that I see Joker and think “subtle”.

It’s nice to know that even though the President of the United States can commit multiple crimes, up to and including treason, with no consequences, rich female sitcom stars can still be sent to prison for a month or two for bribing their kids into school.

I would like to renew my call for someone to make a movie where Isabelle Huppert plays Hercule Poirot.

Stephen Amell has gotten so pale.

I’ll bet you’re right!

I was all set to see Maleficent this weekend, but I wanted to watch the original on Friday night first, because, honestly, how could I be expected to follow the plot if I didn’t remember anything at all from the first film besides my annoyance that we didn’t get any nudity from that dude who kept changing back and…

No, I sincerely get it. I understand why some people consider it something to celebrate. It just feels to me that if we’re willing to “Yay, women!” over things that women have already done many times, simply because this time there’s no man around, it gives the impression that we’re lowering the bar as far as equality…

Hardly absurd. Lindelof has good reason to be concerned.

In unrelated weak blanket news, I’d also like to point out that Paul Rudd absolutely does not look the same today as he did 25 years ago.

History was also made when Kate Salinger and Beth Freeland became the first women in my office to change the toner cartridge in the copy machine, as task that had hitherto only been performed by a man, or a woman, or two men working together. Congratulations, Kate and Beth! By performing an aspect of your jobs…

Daniel Radcliffe as the Penguin should make no sense, and yet, now that’s all I want.

Co-signed. Prisoners is terrific. And horrible. Terrific movie about horrible things.

That is the least punchable Paul Dano’s face has ever looked, insofar as I only want to punch it a little bit. I mean, if he was right in front of me, I’d punch it, but if I had to cross the street, or get off the couch, meh.

Sure, but...only diehards were going to anyway, right?

Knives Out but with Batman villains!

It’s pretty clear they wanted him as Penguin, right? I imagine the initial discussion went something like this:

CLEARY Robert Eggers doesn’t spend my time in gay clubs. Giant phallus lock-in nights are a staple.

Fucking Steny Hoyer says Democrats won’t use inherent contempt to enforce subpoenas, but will let the courts handle it. Sooooo...William Barr might be compelled to testify as soon as 2026.

Sure, fun’s fun, but I think I’ve met that grandkid, and he is, in fact, pretty rotten.

If you willingly watch shit like dancing with the stars, you deserve all the Sean Spicers they can muster.