NO.

See, now you’re HELPING.

Also, I can’t BELIEVE we can’t celebrate Jack Kirby’s birthday without me bringing up Stan Lee.

I plan on watching no episodes of Four Weddings and a Funeral, thank you.

You should tell your children the truth: that you can’t watch Endgame, because you don’t deserve to. Then let them watch it by themselves while you sit in a dark basement and think about what you’ve done wrong with your life.

I need someone to talk me out of seeing Avengers: Endgame in 4DX this weekend. My only experience with anything similar was when I saw a screening of The Last Jedi where the chair shook every time the music got loud, which felt like someone was constantly kicking me in the back for two and a half hours. I don’t relish…

If you guys had TOLD me Jude Law was running around in bikini underwear on HBO, I would have watched it.

No, you can’t.

Comics appreciate his legend. Comics were still talking about how funny Carlin was after he was just being Andy Rooney on stage for an hour. They don’t generally publicly dis a comic who’s past their prime. That said, I haven’t heard any comic lately talking about how funny Chappelle IS.

Guy’s not wrong about the Catholic church, though. If you’re still going to mass, you can shut the fuck up forever about anything anyone else enjoys.

I wouldn’t say “terrible”. I’d go with “post-relevant”. He’s kinda stuck in the nineties. However important a comedic voice he once was, he ain’t that anymore.

Dave Chappelle is free to say whatever he wants, and, unfortunately, all too frequently does.

You sure sound very, very young.

I kind of think the simple answer is, don’t pull out your fucking phone at entertainment events.

I would pay $30 to see a movie at your theater.

While it is maddening that some people think that it’s okay to use phones at a comedy show UNLESS THERE ARE SIGNS TELLING THEM NOT TO, I can’t help but feel that Pete Davidson is the wrong voice to lead this righteous movement.

Oh, I’m terribly lonely, bedbug! Will you bring your bedbug subjects to come live with me? I don’t want to be presumptuous; I mean, I’m sure you have your pick of Democratic Congresspeople’s mattresses to infest, but I’d consider it a tremendous honor if you’d come share my humble bed.

Sorry! I didn’t know I was addressing someone so prestigious. Are you, like, Duke Bedbug of Former Democratic Staffers, or something similar? I’m afraid I’m unfamiliar with bedbug aristocracy.

No, it was pretty straight forward; Patrick even sort of asks before he starts masturbating Henry, and Henry is a willing participant, until Patrick offers to take things a bit out of Henry’s comfort zone.

That reminds me: what’s the taste difference between the blood of an adult and the blood of a child, bedbug? Do you have a preference?