@LucyRed: Actually, uh, I think that's Bambi partially decapitated, raining gore from his gaping neck wound. Just for accuracy.

Mine is a combination of flattered, self-deprecating, and gloating, as the situation warrants. Hey, if I got this Coach wristlet at Off-Fifth for $30, I will damn well tell you. Also this cute dress? Was totally $12.99 at Ross. This bag? $5 at Target.

@katekate is squared: ARE U SCUM OR NOT SCUM, TAKE THIS FREE ONLINE TEST TO FIND OUT AND WIN A FREE* PINK GLITTER IPHONE

Good lord. This makes me appreciate my 36DDs a whole lot more. Next time I gripe about not being able to find clothes that fit, I will think about that poor chick.

@BeckySharper: I think...her boobs look too close to her face. Like they wanted it to be a classic portrait, but then they were like, "Hey, we should cram those prego-cans in there, too," and had a small production assistant stand in front of her torso, hoisting her lovelies to just under her chin.

Good lord, this means I'm going to have to suffer through how many seasons of stilettos and heels stacked up to where? Give me ballet flats or give me death!

The first picture is all "Don't talk back, biatch!" and the second is all "Daaamn, it feels good to be a gangsta."

That big dude in the blue coat is totes checking out Colin's ass!

@secretspygirl: I believe the idea that "chivalry" is sexist stems not from women thinking, "Oh, he is opening the door for me because he thinks I can't do it," than the idea that, for some reason, women shouldn't have to open their own doors. Like X on the MTA said, he performs little chivalrous tasks just to be…

Dang, SM, I could barely read this, because the accompanying picture is hells of hott. With two t's, even. I kept reading a sentence and then my eyes would drift back over...

I have taken 2 semesters of college, and the only professor I think I will remember is the one who told me I should drop her class - in front of the whole class.

Is it just me, or does she always look like she's buckling under the weight of that hair?

If you have to pay off your lawn ornaments month-to-month, maybe you should reconsider your spending habits.

Towel off????

@RyanB: The two states broke party rules.

My Maw woulda made me tromp out to the backyard and break off my own switch (tree branch) and make me go back and get another if the first one was too small. And she was 80 when I was born.

Man, I read one of those Cosmo sex advice thingies once. It was all like, "Tip # 4: Men Like Kissing!". 'Cause up to then I was getting all intimate with dudes by head-butting them and slapping their bellies.

@Lazy Line Painter Jane: Thanks.

She is tall though, so she could be a 14. I'm a 14, but unfortunately probably almost a foot shorter than her. I look like a Pokemon (Boobasaur?? Booooobasaur).

Someone should tell these ladies that the ol' "hold your breath until you turn blue" approach does not work so well on people who would rather see you die...