It’d be a lot cooler if he didn’t.

This is truly the post my handle has been waiting for

“The Times once published an unintentionally humorous description of a Peter Ustinov documentary, noting that “highlights of his global tour include encounters with Nelson Mandela, an 800-year-old demigod and a dildo collector”.

Just like the strippers, JFK and Stalin.

I’ll tell you who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma. My parents, Martha Stewart and William Shakespeare.

Here’s a nice story about Amy Schumer, an emergency bathroom stop and a $2,000 good deed.

Why should you be surprised that he doesn’t use protection? The guy has never played defense once in his life. /deadspin’ed

If you go don’t bring your phone to coachella does it mean you were never actually there?

I think that means one of the the twins is a girl?

It’s because he didn’t die and rise 3 days later, he rose “on the third day.” Good Friday is the 1st day, Holy Saturday is the 2nd day, and Easter Sunday is the 3rd day.

Right now all I want is for Lent to end so I can start drinking again.

If I did that, I’d have to delete half of my relatives. Especially my one cousin whose husband is oh-so-madly in love with her, and whose children sew and cook 4-course meals for the family nightly. Meanwhile, I’m divorced and navigating the dating scene while trying to convince my kids to eat anything that doesn’t…

IDK I did a lot of laundry and rearranged all the furniture and threw out all the bifold doors that I hated. I listened to a lot of angry music and a lot of peppy music. But everyone deals in their own way. I also had primary custody which from what I understand, Brad doesn’t, so that helped me a lot with not falling…

Holy Shit! Where the fuck is her stupid goddamn ponytail? Looks like alternative Ariana to me.

I read every Vadim line like he was Jean Girard from Talladega Nights.

Aww look at all of William’s hair!

You in danger, girl.

So are we a host when we have a penis inside us? Does that penis belong to us while we are hosting it? Can we do with it whatever we want? Just asking.

The Republican obsession with repealing the estate tax is a prime example of this phenomenon.