I remember this like it was yesterday and it is, genuinely, the plot line of my biggest recurring nightmare since I was a child.

TWO TIMES.

I’ve never heard of this dating site before. I’ve never been on a dating site before. But now I imagine all profile pictures look like this.

Women think of fat as being overweight. Men (some men, maybe not all men) feel different standards of attractiveness. To men, the feeling of “fat” could mean he should just not ripped. No six pack? You fat. Kind of gangly arms? You fat.

“you text really strange declarations looking for a reaction, and I don’t wanna know what’s the real life equivalent of that”

This is how I feel about my maternity tights. I’m not currently pregnant (nor do I ever plan to be again), but I’ll never go back to l’Eggs. EVERYONE - buy maternity tights. They legit.

Right. How can we even prove this person exists if you don’t even have a name???

If our government is doing shady shit and not telling us, I want to know about it. We pay the salaries, the light bills, the rent. We deserve to know what they’re doing with our money.

Agreed. Though I’ve only ever seen it with traveling cast. Never watched the movie either. Would’ve been a dream to see it with MLP (or JJL for that matter). You’re a lucky one!

How about Proof?

But their lox is made from Heaven

Except they’re devastatingly devoid of meatballs.

I like the way you think! Except for the zombies part. It’s the living that scare the shit outta me.

And probably a smarter option, really, considering how cheap IKEA linens are and how much toilet paper I use daily.

But in my dreams, everyone else is too preoccupied with the apocalypse to prioritize shopping for MDF bookshelves and I get the whole place to myself.

Well fuck. There go all my plans for moving into IKEA when the Apocalypse begins (aka next month).

THOSE GLASSES! I die.

For me, yes. I’m kind A a girly girl trapped inside a “normal human” with too much shit going on to glitter up on the regular. I feel like Mariah Carey is who I would be if I had a bagillion dollars and could focus solely on my looks for a day. Go Mariah. You do you. And also, you do who i only wish I could be.

I disagree. I’m not a person of color, so I can’t speak to what they can do. But I am a gay woman in a marriage that could soon be illegal in my state (NC), with a child whose second parent’s rights are being threatened. And I can tell you what I’m doing while people are laughing: I’m filling out paperwork for a legal…

Shave them and report back.