Mine came back. Just not where they originally were. After years of abuse, most migrated to my feet and one found the terrain around my navel to be quite hospitable.

Jezebelians be like “Legistlators don’t care about women” and then when they try to to prove otherwise “Legistlators have gone too far!”

Do you remember all the shit she took for having unshaven underarms back in the 90s? She was like Not really the top of my priority list right now, srs. That’s when I fell for her. But I’ve not had a haircut in three years and forgot to brush my teeth yesterday. So maybe she’s a niche market?

Yes. Yes we do.

I’m one of those weirdos who has eleventy million cleaning devices. I have a full-sized Dyson, a portable Dyson, a ShopVac and Roomba. Roomba comes out for light “in-between” cleanings, about twice a week while I’m working. And she’s even kind of crap at that, but I keep her around because she does a great job in the…

I want to love my Roomba (we named her Rosie), but I just can’t. She’s kind of a piece of shit at her job but then constantly rearranges my furniture. Like, I know you’re paying me to clean your house but my real passion is decorating.

I’m just a terrible human being.

ALLEGEDLY. but I can tell you, as a life-long AM fan, it’s most likely written about a former manager with whom she probably had an affair as a teenager. So, in that way, it’s way worse.

The Ross Dress For Less! It’s TJ Max for poor people (ME!).

I’m with you! Why is it such a big deal? Is he even black? I can’t tell. I don’t see color.

Meanwhile, I’m sitting over here like “Momma?”

But she says it in such a sweet tone! It’s like she learned vocal hypnotism from her very southern Aunt Millie but doesn’t realize she hasn’t perfected it and just comes off terrifying instead.

“2016: The Year Pigs and Babies Began to Fly”

Terrible judge of character? Yes. Wonderful judge of the smut Americans seem to love? Yes. It’s like the lady IS Nielsen.

It’s that guy who is really funny in interviews who played the reluctant sidekick on “Breaking Bad” and who deserves so much more credit than being reduced to my shitty description of him.

Also, how about Dave Chappelle?!

LYING LIARS. I WILL NOT PUT THIS COSMOPOLITAN DOWN.

They did. But not before the new voter registration cards had the verbiage on them that a photo ID was necessary to vote. So anyone who got a new card this year (like me, I moved), will have read this. If they’re not current on local voting laws, they may not realize this isn’t necessary.

Same brain. I was just about to go there.

Cultural appropriation??? Whaaaat?