Hell, if we could eat junk food and watch Netflix together until she's put on that 15 pounds, then went at it, that would be perfect.

I want to be pro-feminist and body positive and say that I would totally nail Felicity Jones, no matter where she's packing that extra 15 pounds, no hesitation, anytime, anywhere.

It's like the riddle: you're in a town with two barbers. One of them has great hair. The other has awful hair. Which barber do you visit?

Canada is part of North America.

…

And sends him nude pics of her heart. Jason is quite the crass, slacker poet of the heart.

Or a gerbil.

Followed by "Sterling Job", about Donald's work owning the Clippers. And the housing discrimination, don't forget that.

Relax, he's got three stomachs left.

Yeah, she only looks fantastic instead of really fantastic.

You mean The Scary Door, right?

Then I am legally required to high-five him if I see him. Though not for scoring Mila Kunis, because he is also quite physically attractive. I would only have to high-five Mila's boyfriend if he was a 6.5 or less. Hey, I didn't make these rules.

Oh right, like "…got off a few decent burns on her", because it probably burns when Trump pees.

What really bugged me about the digs at the mom, is the Pemberton family has to have some very shady stuff in their past ("Behind every great fortune lies a great crime"). So even if grandma's right about the mom being a gold-digging whore, her family probably did much worse stuff to get and keep their money.

I had to see if an "of cock" was coming.

Sure, Jonny Lee Miller's first shot at an American TV series, before his current virtuoso turn as a modern-day Sherlock Holmes in Elementary.

Remember, when you get the urge to commemorate George Michael by listening to "Everything She Wants", seek out the awesome 6 1/2 minute long version with the extra bridge, not the (also great) regular version.

Hearing all proceeds went to charity helps ameliorate hearing the song at work several times a day. I think it's mostly Taylor Swift's version that gets to me. I'm a fan of her songs, but she sure strains to hit those notes that George Michael hit effortlessly.

Also anti-torture, since he was famously tortured before being executed.

The older I get, the more I realize Ralph Wiggum's "So, do you like … stuff?" is deceptively brilliant.