Dude, you need to lead with the 12" dick, and then all that cure disease/immortality/genius crap.

Oh, the poison ivy bit was great. Joan needling Sherlock on contracting poison ivy (she might as well have mocked him with "Remember, leaves of three, let it be"). Sherlock defensively asserting that no one knows as much about poisonous substances as he does. A reminder that the world's greatest detective could…

I can see your point if said drug use seriously impacted the mind of a teenage Obama. But since he went on to graduate magna cum laude from Harvard Law and then lectured on constitutional law for over a decade, I think we're good.

"Hey, uh, Clarence. What's that, uhhhhh, on that. Can of Coke?"

Best of all, Taylor and Kanye are just friends, but Beyonce is her best friend.

Yeah, I wish! As we all do.

I considered checking out some celeb photos, but went back to regular porn instead. Since the people in those videos consented to their naked bodies being seen. Sure, they might easily one day regret it, but by then it's too late. I'd seen everything.

Though it is possibly the most honest thing he's ever said.

When his businesses fail, his family doesn't give him more money. Rather, his investors are left holding the bag. Which is empty, because their money's gone. But not Trump's. Though he may have pushed his luck with this brand-destroying run for president.

Ah yes, the Battle of Bosworth Field, where General Bo Jackson just charged right through his opponent.

I remember when Family Guy came back to Fox, they started with a gag where Peter tells the family the show'd been cancelled. Lois asks if there's any way they could get back on the air, and Peter says something like "Well, only if *so and so* all get cancelled", with *so and so* being every show that Fox had debuted…

This post led me to remember my late father, who thought Park Overall was absolutely stacked.

Why, I bet if Trump supporters take a moment and reflect, they'll find that the ground game was inside themselves all along.

That single set of footprints? That's when Jesus was carrying you over one shoulder. While beating your kids with a switch in his other hand.

The David Pumpkins sketch even had a rare great ending. The couple rightly argued that David Pumpkins was never actually scary, then the final floor where it's just his skeleton henchmen, and Pumpkins pops up behind the couple, who look genuinely terrified.

Hanks' impression brought back memories of a Happy Days-era Ron Howard hosting the show. Eddie Murphy smoothly calling him "Opie Cunningham", Ron trying to convince everyone he's not the wholesome young TV characters he was known for. "I've had sex!" "Check it out, Opie Cunningham's a sex machine."

Only Tom Hanks can be funny and charming while bragging he's worth over $200 million. He's the anti-Trump.

Maybe Tiffany's secretly a genius, finding a way to stay out of this. Instead of them forgetting she exists.

A favorite bit was when his mom would accuse him of being into stuff like voodoo. "What's that music you listen to in your room? Who is the black magic woman?! Why are there chicken bones under your bed?!?!" *pantomimes sobbing* "I was hungry!"

Anyone seen it in Chicago? I plan to take the train to see it. I might also take my friend's 10-year old daughter if she's interested as a birthday gift. Do you think a child that age would like it (3 hours sounds long, even with intermission). And do you think I could get two seats together in April, when she turns…