My main takeaway from this whole mess is … Huma Abedin is going to be single soon! And she's even age-appropriate for me!

It's pretty impressive that neither she nor Paula Marshall could kill Spin City. A testament to Michael J. Fox's charisma (pretend The Michael J. Fox Show never happened).

She's done an excellent job directing episodes of Elementary, so she could follow the path of Ron Howard. Though unlike Ron Howard (no offense to him), it's like she's too attractive to not be in front of the camera, too.

Has her check his prostate?

You know, it actually sounds like Bannon could be a good parent because he doesn't want his kids to grow up whiny and entitled. But then he had to go mix it with anti-Semitism.

It's the way Lenny twists his right knee inward that makes that makes that gif.

Pence Plagiarizes with Panache, Publishes Pastiche of Particular Peanuts Strip Panels

Birth control makes women ugly? Doesn't it help women with acne instead? Also, everything else that's insanely wrong with that story.

No one but Uncle Phil should be allowed to throw someone out on the street, and then only Jazzy Jeff.

Oh, I'm guessing that rather than being virgins, college Republicans have plenty of sex that they are deeply ashamed of (possibly making it hotter than the run-of-the-mill college fucking).

As I don't watch Mr. Robot, I'm going to assume that Carly Chaikin is essentially playing Dahlia, and killed this woman with a dry, uncaring disdain. I'll allow Dahlia one murder and a conditional murder to be determined later.

Yes! MTV2! Still saw it though I've never had cable at my primary residence! It took over for The Box! U2's fun Elevation video debuting every hour on the hour! It should go without saying: huge crush on Jancee Dunn!

Beth Riesgraf will always be "Works With Carlos Girl" on How I Met Your Mother.

"Serious’ films are bluntly conservationist and anti-corporate."…well that's kind of a non sequitur for this article…oh, apostrophe, he's talking about Mr. Serious' films. I did this all article."Serious’ Ned Kelly", "Serious’ cockeyed satirical sensibility"…

Oh no, is it me?

Thank god for that LASIK I got several years ago!

So you put your name on the soles of your shoes, so the right one begins with "R" and the left one begins with "L", so you can tell them apart? That's so stupid it's kinda brilliant.

I want to create something really stupid and improbably successful like Entourage or especially 50 Shades of Grey, just so Sean O'Neal can turn his attentions to me.

In this stupid, shallow man's defense, if you have little acting experience, you may end up thinking about things you do that you wouldn't normally ponder, like where to put your hands. And imagine if a director keeps giving you different directions, when you're literally playing yourself.

No porn names on Bill Clinton's birthday?!