“At least I didn’t waste away my early 20s in Sunderland. Really dodged a bullet there.” -Adnan Syed

Tommy needs to tell him to “‘Lax bro!”

If he didn’t want to be tackled by her, he shouldn’t have been dressed like that

“I know the feeling, Ereck. I’m so damn sick of all the Raanan sentences from that guy.”

....he was constantly on the phone with his girlfriend, Lennay Kekua...

Funny, Adrian Peterson’s son’s face is imprinted on his cleats too.

He’ll be right up there with Clebold and Harris as one of the greatest shooters in Columbine history.

I love sleeping naked in the winter. A massive down duvet and chilly in the room makes for fantastic sleep.

U.S. Soccer is a bunch of hypocrites considering Tim Howard has been blurting out inappropriate things his entire career.

I still remember the celebration after a Champs League game when John Terry made out with Yannick Carrasco’s girlfriend.

DM Trump: “You enter the yuge room. Roll for save.”

Appropriate as NFL defenses will be greeting Cousins with arms wide open all season long.

Another reason women are better at these essays: we fucking write one every time we send a work email, only to get a one-liner back or just an “ok.” So many manfeels to navigate!

Nice smugshot.

Once again, a black man discovers the Blues, but it’s white guys who make money off them.

Shit, they can’t even spell center right! No wonder they blew it.

This is Leicester we’re talking about here; was there any doubt that their championship finish was going to come on anything other than a fucking Thai?

Bradford is so out of touch with the league that he requested a trade back to St. Louis.

Someone (maybe Billy?) needs to find a bunch of people like you that took longshot preseason bets on Leicester. You should take your winnings and go to Bangkok. The title-clinching party will be crazy there!