Block granting, even if it were something that would work, is not going to make anything really more efficient. So, I assume the same levels of funding? No? You’re taking billions out of healthcare and giving it to the 0.1% in the form of massive tax cuts? Because federalism.

I imagine this is what a monkey would look like the first time it saw a toaster.

When Cam Newton drops back to pass, and then turns to the camera and says “Black lives matter” right as he is clobbered by three defensive linemen, then you’ll have a point.

Many people claim that NFL players only thing about the now. That they aren’t smart when it comes to planning for the future. But this shows otherwise. These guys know they’ll end up in prison eventually, so they’re just trying to get out ahead of it.

Maybe not if you bieve it, but definitely if you believe it.

Donald Trump, the leader of the Republican party, said there would be “something terrific” for “everyone.” It’s just about the closest thing he had to an actual promise outside of “build the wall.”

Will it?

My only goal in life is to live long enough to see Trump and everyone who voted for him die. I know I won’t get there, but a lot of these dudes are old, so I should get to see the day a good lot of them go straight to hell.

Or just pack a smaller bag instead of the roller boards. Also, if you have a short connection, couldn’t you just ask that your bag be checked to your final destination if you are trying to do this? I don’t know, I somehow avoid ever having to do this.

Yes, this is actually good advice. You can also check the flight delay history online. They’ll tell you what percentage of flights arrive on time. Also, check out the terminal map while you wait to get off the plane.

You also campaigned on making health insurance in America better. It’s not as if you campaigned on “we’re going to fuck America hard in the ass by ruining health insurance for tens of millions of people.” So you are lying either way.

Couldn’t you just, you know, go to the church?

Does talking about rumors ever actually put them to bed? Like, give me an example.

10. Hollywood

It’s closer to being a planet than “Getting hit by Cassini,” which I notice is on your list. Explain yourself.  

More like Zack Creinke, amirite.

What’s so wrong with these people just carrying around with them something, such as a piece of paper, that will alleviate these concerns? If that doesn’t work, maybe we could just stamp identification onto them so there won’t be any more confusion. I don’t know why that would be too much to ask for.

Ohhh, you really got me good!

Sitting in the upper endzone seats for a nighttime NFL game is a goddamn death wish.

Sexually repressive cultures are famous for treating women equally and with respect, dontcha know.