Harrelson is just the worst; they could replace him with a soundboard of exactly four phrases and nobody would detect the difference. Holy shit, maybe they already have?

Most of my flights are pretty tame, but there was this one: I usually book a window seat, but on this occasion my row buddies are a 30-something lady and her... opera viking 12 or 13 year-old sister/niece/ward who was being treated to her very first plane ride today! Hooray!

Agree wholeheartedly. I shouldn’t have to listen to a lawyer during every play stoppage trying to tell me I didn’t really see what I just saw.

“Is Batman a c-lister? Is that what you think? Poppycock!”

Back when I was a newly-minted Marine NCO (think: shift manager at Wendy’s) I had a bunch of 18yo Marines milling around 30-feet under my barracks window, being loud as hell and trying to impress the local hoes that always seem to accumulate near barracks entrances on payday.

If you fall anywhere on the spectrum of “below-average to godawful” in terms of physical appearance, you most likely have spent a lifetime developing means to cope with various forms of casual/intentional and direct/indirect cruelty, and you have years of experience being ignored or fading into the background of every…

Vent windows need to make a comeback. They aren’t just for smokers, sometimes it’s nice to funnel air (and wasps) directly into your torso.

It’s unfortunate that Steve Stone has spent the majority of his stints in Chicago sharing the booth with a blathering moron. When he can get a word in edgewise, Stone has some interesting insights into the game-at-hand, as opposed to Harrelson, whose only talents are that he once shared a locker with Walt Dropo and is…

Is there any way to initiate a recall on that judge? Because that is so fucked up it’s impossible to fathom that anyone familiar with the legal process in this country could have ever conceived it. She needs to go.

Agreed. To me, watching talented artists create stuff is the closest thing to magic as exists in the world.

And who linked them all together? Paul Mooney.

Good lord. We need like 50 of her stateside, immediately.

Today I learned on the internet that I am descended from a long line of hipsters. I’m like a 4th-gen hipster.

Note that I said ‘understanding the stories’ is one of the best reasons.

One of the best reasons to join the military is so that you can understand that sort of story, and maybe come up with a few of your own.

To shorten a long story, my drunk neighbor fired 29 mortar shells directly into the property across the street, causing (among other damages) a really awesome silhouette of the Virgin Mary in a half-buried bathtub vignette.

Instead of spouting out their outrage at the decision, my conservative acquaintances have been posting bible memes all day, you know, the “God won’t give you more than you can handle” and whatnot.

Oh god, make it stop. The NHL needs fewer teams, not more.

That said, I’m surprised the NHL is the only league looking at expansion; in 2000, there were 470 billionaires worldwide. In 2015, there’s 536 in America alone.

Hey, maybe it’s time for George Karl to go? Thom Thibbydow is still out there somewhere, and I guarantee he’d have no trouble working Cousins to death.

God I hope somebody tapes Paul Mooney’s reaction to this.