Pro-tip: Stop fucking around whilst drunk.

4 year lifespan. Or eight, if re-elected.

And his hair is actually made of cobwebs.

WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE "LANDING SITES" ON THE MOON THROUGH A TELESCOPE THERE'S NOTHING BUT CHEESE!

BUT HE'S BROWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

America is, always has, and always will be, the greatest country ever. It's in a state of static, never-ending orgasm. How else could they shout "USA! USA! USA!" with such gusto?

I don't want to watch anyone being civil to Trump. I want to see him hung from a gibbet for the sport of his own crows. That would be entertainment!

I can't buy people firing guns in confined spaces, sometimes right next to someone else's head, and said person not being absolutely DEAFENED and spending the rest of the film shouting "MAWP".

Oh, he just hates it when people go on about his manhood. It's such an aggravation.

Jon Spamm?

"… with the older boys picking out the younger ones at socials and events …"

#ohforfucksakegate

Neither me. I voted for FRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM!

Just the tip! Just the tip! God, I hope I'm the first to make that joke.

Yes, they do say countries get the governments they deserve.

Precisely!

I'm sure there's other comestibles that adequately emulate erect penises in both shape and tumescence that would suffice; unless they're actively looking for freezer burn on their anuses.

Piss off, clean-shirt!

You just know that such a carefully constructed "harmless" persona hides a true psychopath.

It would have been a good day if he'd fallen into a pen of live, man-eating pigs.