But he's going to be conducting bland interviews with celebrities hawking their new film/album/TV show/line of sex toys, right?

Especially after all those affairs …

Who really killed Ultra Magnus in Transformers: The Movie? The answer may shock you …

I have watched Columbo, Sir, and you are no Columbo.

This Is A Bit Thin, Internet

Why always Boris?

And many Bothans died to bring us that information. Some of them were probably women, too.

Breaking Bad's Ozymandias was a bore?

Perhaps that's why Chewie didn't get a medal at the end of A New Hope.

I think you're reading too much into my use of the word "like".

Actually, a monster that eats flab would be ideal.

I think Tindr is only for those whose attractiveness can be quantified into one second.

Caity Lotz? Don't tempt me, Frodo!

Oh God, I hope this is just one person with two gimmick accounts logging back in and out of them both …

Oh, fuck me.

Stupid college kids are insufferably thin and attractive. Bastards.

I should probably change my OKCupid profile to say I'm searching for "unsatisfying short term relationships".

"It's your son, Lumpy! We gotta save him!"

Better not do anything that could possibly affect merchandise sales.

And Chewie falls to his knees and screams, "YOU DID IT, YOU BLEW IT UP! GOD DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!" Except it all comes out as incomprehensible growls.