Whoops, wrong thread.

I smash every mirror I see. It helps hide my transformation.

Hire an exercise coach? Or a sexercise coach?

So … make friends with a bunch of people fatter than you so you'll feel skinnier? I like this plan!

The thing is, I've thought about it and I don't want to live in a world without Classic Coke.

On ice? Kinky!

Guys can be babes. What about Baberaham Lincoln?

I would like to lose weight in order to feel happier and more attractive. Unfortunately exercise is boring and painful.

It's quite a relief to me that all I'm looking for is a) someone of the opposite gender to me, and b) likes me. Seems to save a lot of awful anxiety and effort.

OK Go music videos: best enjoyed with the sound turned off.

Taylor Swift, is that you?

Actually, one was a present for his wife.

Spinderella cut it up one time.

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Worthlessness is value.

Will you trade a packet of broken Reece's Peanut Butter Cups for one of them?

Where were these sold? On ebay? It's like the idiots spending £500 on a "I AM AN IMBECILE" balloon from Banksy's Dismaland theme-park.

Atari threw them away, so fuck 'em. Now if only they had kept them mint in package and only claimed to landfill them …

You don't speak no good like we can.

I really wish the babes had joined the Futurama crew full-time.

He will tell us what to do.