OMG I am so clueless. I didn't put the two Burts together. I just thought there was a deep vein of Burt Reynolds love out there among Jez readers. Durr.

It seemed so clear to me, watching Romney during the campaign, that he was an immature, snarky entitled asshole with little capacity for human empathy. He seemed close to sociopathic. I was always stunned that some people couldn't see it.

Ugh. My dad started to do this, though thankfully it was later in my life. He began commenting on weight often (not just me, with many people, including the housekeeper) and in ugly ways. He finally got the point to shut up when I was driving him somewhere and the seatbelt in his car was broken so it wouldn't extend.…

I love Miss Dolly. Behind that big wig and self-deprecating humor lurks one of the brightest, most badass brains in all of show business.

The hardest thing for me was imagining a life without alcohol. Trust me on this one: it's better. A LOT better. For a while, it's more irritating and tiring, but a new clarity descends rather quickly and then it's just a matter of one day at a time. You can do this. There's a good non-commercial alcoholism blog with…

Kerry Washington. I could watch her do dishes.

"I can take you where you want to go.

My mom's digital thermostat looked pretty simple but she could never get the thing to work. I always assumed that it was because my mom is at the age where she can't get anything (remote control, Kindle, can opener, bottle caps) to work, but I think it may actually be one of these demonic devices.

My dryer has a setting that says "Less Dry." Who the fuck ever wants a dryer to make their clothes LESS dry? Isn't the thing that does that called a Washer? Help me.

Aw, parents being proud of their kids always gets me a little verklempt.

Definitely cheesy bread.

They are scrappy little bastards!

I'm so sorry you had to have that experience. I agree that it is a special kind of cruelty to force women to carry these pregnancies to term.

My thing with knives is they have to work right for YOUR hand. Don't take knife advice from anyone or buy them online. You have to feel the knife in your hand. My fave chef knife is a lightweight 8" Oneida with a plastic handle. It works best for me.

Also doubles as a spare colander (not for draining boiling water though)

That's not a costume on Heidi. It's what she looks like without Photoshop.

They're heartless assholes. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

John Stossel has never been right about anything, has he?

I love social programs and haven't had a chance to use many of them (was once on unemployment for about 6 weeks). Why? Because I hate to watch people suffer.

As far as disgusting goes, yesterday a red lipstick lid came off, and as I was walking miles and miles, spent its red little time scribbling on every single thing in there. I had to pitch a lot of stuff out and spend a lot of time decontaminating the rest. I discovered it after I put my hand in for my wallet, and came…