Goddamn it I swear if I trip over somebody's stray clit I will SUE. Put your clits on leashes if there's even a possibility that it will get up and trot off to the next county. Let's all be responsible clit-owners please.

Suddenly the mysterious nature of the female orgasm makes sense. There I was trying to make something happen, and my clit was probably just off drinking dollar beers and cheating at pool.

I will answer your question after I go check on my clit and make sure it's where I left it. Because obviously now this is a thing we have to worry about.

See, it is literally impossible to make Dakota Johnson memorable in any way whatsoever.

GOP Weekly Agenda:

today someone said i was their spirit animal

Would it kill Wimbledon to let people wear darker uniforms? I know I know tradition, but who the fuck cares. Changing the color of a woman's tennis skirt won't decrease the quality of play there (in fact it sounds like it could increase it, if female tennis pros don't have to worry about blood showing through).

Much art

When PBS promoted this article via their Facebook page, the comments were outstanding. 98% of readers reached exactly the same conclusion: the kids aren't the narcissistic ones. Reflection is hard, lady, but a therapist can help you through it.

Her entire argument is totally meaningless without the other side of the story. I seriously doubt her children just woke up one morning and decided to cut her out of their lives. Unless she explains why they cut her off it's all just a lot of mindless jabbering.

it's the family thing that is honestly the weirdest part

it's kind of the unwritten rule that you don't take other people's shoveled out spaces, right?

Ladies and gentleman, I give you the tale of Saint Basil Fuckoff, the patron saint of waiters and bartenders.

I feel so bad for the actress.

I read my spouse Shade Court every week and now he's started correcting people on their improper use of shade. Kara is doing the Lord's work.

Seriously. Do some squats and other butt exercises. You get a good workout, the results last, and you aren't using a milking machine on your ass.

I've seen the slowdown instructions described as "only arrest someone if you have to".

See what you did, Republicans? Lack of funding for science education is hurting small business now.

LOLLLL. Asking a friend's parents to drive you somewhere is TOTES THE SAME as asking a friend's parent to take you to prom and then blasting pictures of her in a bikini on Twitter to see if you could really get her to do it.

God the fucking male entitlement just starts SO. EARLY.