Insert perfect name for Sox park because of low interest joke here.

“Ohhhh, it's Guaranteed Rate Field.”

“You’re such a good parent.”
“Aww no. They practically...”
“Daddy, listen! *pulls at eyelids* I’m Chinese! I’m Chinese!”
“We’ll see ourselves out.”

It’s nowhere near the best, but I’ve always thought Mr. 3,000 is really underrated.

Gawker’s medal count must be bittersweet, like the medals won by the Austro-Hungarian Empire right before World War I eliminated them as a country.

Looks like Adolpho better watch his back

“Dead Adolpho:”

After 18 years elapse he will also be subject to a two game suspenion

it was a fantastic relay throw from Russell that was made even better by carpenter getting his shit fucking slapped. A+ play all around.

anyone else think roy looks like an off-brand baldwin brother?

more like Leonidas of ‘Roids.

Also, cannons in sailing events.

The last time the Bears played in Jacksonville, a Jags fan walked up to a visiting Bears fan in a bar and slit his throat. There was no reason behind it and people back here in Chicago didn’t sound all that surprised that it happened.

Can we talk about how the D-Backs pants look like overly competitive beer league softball pants?

Pizza is for winners. Wait in the car.

I think my boss has the same quirk. Only he likes touching my shoulder. And it’s usually with his waist.

Any professional athlete should be allowed to take steroids/HGH.
There’s no such thing as “heart” or “clutch”.
If USA’s best athletes played soccer they’d win every world cup game by 5-10 goals.
Hockey is actually good.
College football is bad.

Magic Johnson HIV was mis-diagnosed.