Yeah, Brendan’s headline is coming from the Matt Lauer School of Reporting.

So am I the only one who interprets these emails as two people just trying to figure out what the rules are?

Interesting that she’d been using the personal server as sec of state for a year when her email above is dated 3 days after Obama’s first inauguration.

Preach. Never in my wildest 20-something dreams did I expect to be so wound up into neurotic chilled knots as a 30-something, trying to walk the tightrope in just the right way that will make men want want me, not just on their terms, a fun hang, but really want me completely. It’s all a scam. I’m not chill. I’m warm…

I’ve been there lady. Good for you for telling his ass off. I really don’t understand the lack of respect thing too. Like, EVEN if you are just “fuck buddies” or keeping it casual or whatever, you should have respect for each other. Have you had sex? Cool, then have some fucking respect for the person you’ve boned.…

It’s baffling to me how much the “don’t be crazy/needy” thing has ingrained itself into the female psyche. I am 30, have a great job, great life, and I still find myself wanting to be the girl who just goes with the flow and doesn’t ask for too much so as not to seem needy and crazy. (When I have needs! Valid ones!…

I used to hook up with this guy who, eventually, invited me to a group thing. He was late and kept texting that he was almost there, he was on the way, he’d be there any minute. I waited for two hours because I was so chill that I could definitely sit at a bar by myself and not feel like he should be there since he…

Oh, god, I had one of those moments. I had been “hanging out” with this guy for almost two months, always on his schedule, I always let him text first, etc. Most of my friends thought it was obvious I was a booty call, but he’d drop just enough emotional game on me that it kept me guessing... even to this day I do…

I’ve had relationships (or whatever they were) that were chill and I’ve had relationships that had absolutely no chill. I think the problem is, and what the author was talking about is when one person decides to become a thermometer and match the levels of “chill” exactly to the person they want. That almost always…

I disagree. I think if you are interested in someone, you should make it known. There is too much ambiguity in texts, and it doesn’t convey tone very well. Falling in love involves a lot of nuance that text lacks. Not that we fall in love with every person we go on a date with, but if you truly want to connect with…

hey but the look on their faces when you go from chill to calling them out on their bullshit is priceless.

I met this guy, friend of a friend. He got my number and started texting me and inviting me to group hangs. This went on for a year or more. I thought he was just trying to make friends or network since we are in the same industry and have many mutual friends/acquaintances. I saw him again occasionally and I ended up…

Depends. Do you genuinely give zero fucks about anything (unlikely), or did you just stop giving fucks about bullshit like office gossip, people who can’t be bothered to answer emails, and social expectations about How to Be a Cool Chill Lady? If it’s the former, you are Chill and also potentially in a state of mental…

That’s always what I thought it was. A guy calls you “chill” but it really means “I don’t think you’ll ever call me out on my bullshit.”

To a certain type of guy, “chill” is the opposite of “crazy,” where “crazy” = “feelings and demands I don’t want you to have because they require me to contemplate you as a person with your own thoughts and desires.”

Yeah exactly. Chill is fine with me provided you’re not touching me below the waist and you are willing to make yourself available as suits MY schedule, not yours, because it is clear that I am not prioritizing our connection yet.

Yeppppp. I met my lovely boyfriend online after SIX YEARS of meeting nothing but ‘chill hang-out’ dudes. He took me out for an actual date, called it a date and when we parted ways he called me about an hour later to make sure I got home ok and to let me know he had a great time and would love to see me again. It was…

Exactly. I am Team Massey on this one. Yeah, guys want it "slow and casual," except w/r/t sex, right? I learned my lesson about this kind of thing wayyyyyy later than most women. If you play it cool long enough, eventually he will realize he reciprocates your feelings/investment! BZZT, wrong. The last time he told me…

Chill is the domain of the young (and the eternally immature). Once you hit mid-30s, chill is another word for paralyzing fear of intimacy and/or commitment. Some people are comfortable in that space for a lifetime, but if you’re on the receiving end of it and you want more, it’s time to start calling it what it is.

It’s like high school all over again where everyone was terrified of appearing like they actually gave a damn about something.