i work for the state, in a remote small town that i’m not really wanting to move from, in a niche field. they’ve got me by the balls!

You’re really not going to like this. I have a side business that sells hilariously over-sized pants with massive pockets...

You’re not going to like this answer, but I actually sell forklift batteries, so I have a few forklifts....

From the job listing:

Mainly I wanna see a toolbox in asphalt now.